.

NO LONGER HERE

2009-12-09T07:33:00.001-08:00

CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE WWW.SOCIETYSWEETIE.COM

Its been a minuteeeeee!

2009-08-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

Wow! :-) i know its been a while but dont bite my head off bews! Ive been working hard on my whole "comeback" so ill give you guys the inside scoop!

Ive been working events! First it was the R.Les concert then the clipse/ cool kids and next im doing an event for Giant magazine and it goes so on and so forth....

But thats not even the tip of the iceberg! 09.09.09 will be the launch of my website! WOOT WOOT! The name of my site is

THEAPPLEBAUM.com

*does little dance*

The site is a blog site with a few dope ass writers! So far its me of course! ill be writing about events in cleveland, reviews on albums, reviews on clubs, reviews on resturants, and interviews with up and coming talent.

Then there are 4 other writes and 1 celebrity writer (its a surprise who it is)

There will be a website party but due to my heavy workload it will be after the launch of the site.

So im on the grindddddd right now and thats why i havent been updating here like i use to. Sooooooooo ill talk to u guys 09.09.09 over @ theapplebaum.com

:-)
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Fuckery

2009-08-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

Hello boos!

Well im going to make this real quick because im super busy but i really wanted to blog about this before I forgot about it.

So basically im back in the swing of things! I completed all of my short term goals and my next step of orders are to build the Applebaum brand.

NOW! Lol I opened my "networking" myspace page back up.

www.myspace.com/msandreia

And i got in contact with alot of my friends! So. Basically im booked until school starts. I just (2days ago) jumped back into this lifestyle and ppl ALREADY talking shit! Lol and these are ppl im so called "cool" with so far ive heard about like 4 people have been talking shit!

Let me just say this! Lol FUCK OFF! and thats all im going to say about that. :-)

Anywho, right now im working on a project for Global Grind (yippie!) I dont want to jinx myself so ill go into more detail later.

Tomorrooowwww Ill be working the Ryan Leslie concert with a few DJ friends. Im excited! It feels so good to do the things that will lead me into my career!

Okay im @ work and i need to get at least an hour of sleep in because ill be here till 4p then i have to rush home then rush to the house of blues. Ehhhhh!

xoxoxooxox!
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Closer and closer.

2009-07-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

Ello'

So its been a while, ehhhh, you know me. As of lately ive been working, partying, dating, shopping, and sleeping here and there. Over all my summer has been good! But thats not what im here to blog about.......

If you follow my blog you know that im spiritual and I get a lot of insight, answers to my life questions, and motivation thru my dreams. So just the other day I had yet another eye opening dream that had another message and with help from Justin i figured it out and it was just the boost I needed.

I was going to put school off YET AGAIN lol but as planned my classes start next month, FOR SURE! I called a few friends and my good buddy Jolie set me up with a foot in the door opp with Complex mag! Im sooooo excied about that! I really have to work my ass off and make sure im on top of my shit by the time winter rolls around because im going to be in super overdrive! I have to prepare something like a fashion look book but with a major twist incorporating my graphic design skills, photography skills, artistic view, and MYSELF! This is a MAJOR project that will be very fun but tedious. All this done while working and going to school-- ehhhh, can you say 5 hour energy shots? Lol

Well just wanted to give you guys an update on whats what! Once i make my way back to my laptop I will be updating the look of this blog, im thinking black.....and ill update the tunage.

xxooxoxooxo

OH! Wait! How could i forget!

Check out my homies and when i say homies i mean to say BFF's -- you know them iLL niggas! Lol

www.myspace.com/IamJusthinking

www.myspace.com/Artfulc

I think those links are correct-- if not, go to my myspace page and link them from my top!

Justhink and AC

Okay thats all....
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To blog or not to blog?

2009-07-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

Blog it is....

So today is the first day that ive found a little down time. (Im @ work now but my clients are sleep)

So its been a hectic 2weeks! A lot of you know my situation with work and everything else so to some its no surprise that I went on a weeks hiatus-- due to work and getting settled in the new place (i havent spent the night there yet and ive had the keys since the first--maybe that will give some of you some insight on how busy ive been) but to my surprise everybody is acting funny style!

I mean i lost a few homies and we all know homies are like the seasons, so i really didn't care...but my FRIENDS got beef! Well not beef but they are pissed. I can see how and why they are pissed but i assumed they knew me--"i just wanna be successful"! Lol but forreal tho....

I try hard to keep the great friends that i do have but ill be honest if ur not on facebook or twitter or not CALLING my phone the chances of us talking are slim. Im not saying its up to u to keep the friendship going but if ur not doing none of the above don't bust MY balls whenever I do call, text, im, and whatever else.

But anyways, so with this crazy work shit ive been eating fastfood, drinking mad soda, and ive been eating over my moms house alot also. I feel so icky! Lol u can really tell how harsh that crap is on ur body after drinking nothing but tea and water for months and eliminating fast food down to once a week.

I feel so fat! Lol I know as soon as i get settled in ill be able to cut down on all this bad eating but ive also decided im not taking the elevator for like 3months (unless i have alot of crap with me) and i live on the 5th floor--so there is my cardio, CYEAH! Lol

Uhhhh oh, ive been attempting to "date" and its just as bad as it use to be. well, not really, its just really confusing! I forgot how guys love to play games and send mixed messages. Im so over playing and trying to figure things out....my mind is already in a million places as it is....so i usually end up not talking to the guy anymore after the first date...ehhhh? Oh well I guess.

***i started writing this blog yesterday--now that im trying to finish it, i cant because im in a sucky mood**

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Lost.

2009-07-07T07:26:00.001-07:00

This blog is from left feild by all means but I need to vent...
I'm sure most of you will get lost in translation--oh well.

Im feeling like there is nothing I can do or say at this point. The feeling that I get when I sit and reflect on the shit that went on
between you and I is the same feeling I get when I fail at something-- that eery feeling and the ball that ties up in your core, WHACK! I keep trying to lie to myself in hopes that I will believe that what went on didn't happen and what we are trying to force is....what it is........platonic?

Nah, Im lying again, because when I look at you or hear your voice that day pops into my mind. How can we front though? Two people that are so
intouch with whats real in the world--how can we front on what IT IS?!

Damn, sometimes I dead ass wonder if its just me... Is it the things you say or is it something more? Do you think about me at all? FUCK do you even miss what it once was?

.......

The role that I played was a significant one at some point in time but now im "replaceable", how? It was more than a friendship and fuck the definaition and stigma of a relationship, it was a SPIRITUAL CONNECTION-- doesnt that hold any weight? I guess not since im losing to....to....thats not important.

This can't be defined as a broken heart because I can't see you in that light (somebody that hurt me). Im not a woman sccorned, im not bitter, im not upset....im lost. I didn't realize the impact you had on my life until now....there is a lot you don't know based on the sheer fact of my ego which is my fault but....

When you talk I listen, when you express yourself artistically I FEEL IT, (as cliche as this might sound) when your hurt apart of me isn't content, when you need me im there..and it goes on and on!

This isnt a plee this isnt anything -- honesntly, I hope you never even see this.

I just hope somewhere along the way you can reclaim the spot in my life that belongs to you and always will be yours.

*sigh*

and the worst part is I can't escape you-- EVERYTHING reminds me of us or you...

I'm lost.....

MAD JAMMIN!

2009-07-02T17:05:00.000-07:00

lol my little sister's boyfriend gave a crack head $2 to dance, how degrading. lol

I MISS STEF LIKE CRAZZZY!

2009-07-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

He's the apple to my pie (or im the apple to his), he's the kush to my "dutch" lol, he's the sun to my day, the....the.... lol ok i'll stop.

=[ All I have left are the videos lol

He's coming back soon and I CAN'T WAIT!

SNEAK PEEK!

2009-07-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

So a few of the homies have been asking me to post pic's of the new place that im so much in love with-- ill post 1! lol

If you want to see it in all its glory COME OVER! LOL

This is the front room, ignore the TV lol and that LV lol

and this is a pic of my backyard lol DEAD ASS!

Ive been taking a lot of pics lately...ill upload later!

Summer Summer timmeee!

2009-06-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

Wow! Lol I must blog about my weekend! I had a lot of fun and it was the perfect beginning to what will be a fabulous summer!

Let me just say-- STEF, keep that shit litttteee! Lol no but, you're absolutly wonderful lol I had a lot of fun and I can't wait till vol. 8? Lmao I love you to bits!

Guys im so happy right now! I was at a very wack point that lasted for about 4months up until now! The last few weeks ive definatly
become happier and my blessing are coming 1 by 1 and it seems like they are coming back to back From finding out who my loving friends are, having good health, a loving and supportive family, my new apartment (that i love to death), and the list goes on and on.

I dont know-- it just feels good to be happy! Lol

Like i said, my summer has offically started! So look out for the vids (i have some from this weekend lol)

Okay im @ work and i have to start packing in the morning so

See

You

Laterrrrrr!
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OH, WORD?

2009-06-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

So, something has been brought to my attention. Apparently Im the gossip of the net lol Let me just say this -- Some of you nigga's are real lame and if you are feeling some type of way while reading that more than likely you are one of the lame nigga's im talking about. The sad part is this is GUYS im talking about here! I mean there are a few chicks involved but what else can you expect from a chick? But thats neither here nor there......

You can run off all day, post your blogs, throw your sublimation's, ask about me, tell people you know me, check my shit ever 15min, try to be-friend my friends, read my status updates like ur life depended on it, and whatever else it is that you do.

But the bottom line is its YOUR obsession, not mine! All your attempts at trying to make me look bad, fail! and they fail on the sheer fact that I LIVE IN THE REAL FUCKING WORLD! lol Yeah I blog and Im on the community sites, but guess what? When I close this laptop all that shit that happens online becomes insignificant....the people you see me fuck with online are people I fuck with OFFLINE! The internet is another form of communication. You see me selling these other nigga's pipe dreams online? that's where it stays ONLINE!

I mean I can't be to upset, I guess. you live your life thru your wireless internet connection, obviously there is a chemical imbalance.

Mos Def > The Ecstatic

2009-06-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

So you all know that Mos Def is my favorite rapper! My review on this album is
THIS IS ONE OF HIS BEST ALBUMS....IF NOT THE BEST!

This man is a pure genius-- A TRUE ARTIST!

CHECK OUT HIS ALBUM.....

Mos Def - "Casa Bey" - The Ecstatic - 6.9.09

Loving my Life.

2009-06-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

I didn't go into much detail on how much I love myself in the last entry--because I didn't want to seem "vain" or "into myself" but then I said you know what I don't care! Lol I'm really proud of myself and I can share that with my readers.

So as you know, I work A LOT! All the hard work has finally paid off, with a little fine tuning i'll be straight! But this isnt totally about my finances.

I recently cut a very toxic person out of my life and every since i did that and got completely over it I realized that I really wasted alot of time and energy on somebody who didn't deserve either in the first place. Have you ever dated somebody and then looked back on it like "omg what the fuck was I thinking!?" Well thats pretty much the case. Lol but back to what i was saying, now that ive eliminated that drama, i'm happy as hell! Lol its literally a weight lifted and it feels fucking good. Somebody told me that he is in another realtionship and to be perfectly honest with you my response was "damn, i hope she knows what she's getting herself into fucking with him" ehhh so with that being said this will go on record being the absolute LAST time i speak on him! When people ask me how long ive been single im skipping over him and going back to the date me and my boyfriend before him broke up because dude isnt even worth the ex title.

*wipe my hands clean*

Another reason why ive been feeling so good lately is because the summer is almost here and ive already been having alot of fun with my family and friends! And ive been meeting alot of cool new people (heeeyyyyyy; tony, stalley, kris *rolls eyes*, and lisa) also, there are so many things that have been planned for the summer and that are actullay going to happen.

To all the people that read my blog who are actually doing something weather that be; dropping a mixtape, starting a business, traveling, having art show, promoting parties, modeling, and ect

MUCH RESPECT!!!!!

If you planned something and you are really doing it! I show much respect and ill gladly show love in anyway i can because its hard out here already and i have a soft spot for people who follow their dreams because im one of those people and i love when people show me respect and support! Like the other day a new friend of mine said "you're so inspirational! Brb I have to make some phone calls". Lol i love that!

Alot of you have been asking if im going to start Celibacy and the city back up and ive decided that i am and im going to do those entrys via vlog so i can explain situations with more detail anddddd for entertainment value.

:::::random updates:::::

-im going to bring "as if" back.
-i think cleveland's westside is way better than the eastside but apart of me will miss this shithole once i move
-im super stoked about conan being back on.
-i bought a flat screen tv lol
-im getting a dog next month and im going to name him soho or bronx lol
-Mos Def is the fucking truth and his new album kill everything!
-when i get off work im going to get some krispy kreme dounuts, son!
-i hate when men gossip like bitches.

Uhhh okay!

Blogituplaterz
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Hello dolls!

2009-06-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

I know its been a really long time! My fault! Ive just been SUPER busy lately....lets start from the top! Lol

Recently a great door has opened up from me and it will get my feet wet with my whole fashion career! Woot woot! From the looks of it everything is going as planned, a few more details need to be looked over and ill be in there lol I dont want to jinx myself so ill go into it after everything is done and said.

Next up, I am completely and 100% SINGLE! Lol and might i add loving it! The last dude i was with was smh and thats all im going to sum that up with. Yeah yeah yeah you all were right i give you that much but whatever ill take that bullet! Lol

Uhhhh, OH! Next month im moving into my dream apartment! I call it heaven on Lake ave! Lol im definatly going to do a vlog on it just to show you how fucking nice the place is! Im talking high celings, hard wood floors, big ass walk in closet, and oh its on the 5th floor with a nice ass view.

How could i forget.....the beach is in my backyard! Owwwwww! Lol im SUPER excited about that.

My clone (Deandra) went to prom and graduated this month! Ive never been so proud of that little she devil lol I love my crazy sister, it has been so exciting watching her grow into a little woman. Lol

Ummmm im super nervous! Stef lova will be here in like a week lol I told e we will be on some chill shit because im broke from all my moving expenses. Ughhh and he's going to see my current apartment all boxed up and shit lol how lame!!! But im happy Ill get to spend some time with one of my favorite people! Stef and I have been friends for 5+ years. Its going to be so much funnnnnnnn.

Speaking of favorite people, i have a new favorite rapper! Check out my homie stalley.

www.imeem.com/stalley

He's dope, cute, and originally from Cleveland! Lol@ me saying cute.

*looks at all my friends* dont even try it! Lol

Hmmm lets see what else can i share with you? Oh! I put in PTO. For the month of august, september, and october! So far I planned out trips for New York, Chicago, and Florida.

So friends and family who are trying to go....hit me up!

Love yall

Blogituplaterz!
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Jesus holla back!

2009-06-13T21:53:00.001-07:00

Reason # 326855 of why i love my homies

2009-05-23T05:51:00.000-07:00

Ring ring
Me: hello!?
???: I was in the CVS by ur job so i left u something.
Me: WHO IS THIS??
???: bbwwhahahahha!
-click

So i go to my car and there is a naked doll lol that says "i get hot for andy" written in sharpie on her back, a pack of blue skittles (my fav), and a card that says....

Front: whenever i fart
Inside: i think of how much i love you.

Lmao

And in writing it says "I hope this made u smile! I miss my old andy, i hope you feel better"

ISNT THAT THE SWEETEST SHIT EVER!?!?!?!?

*tear
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Mornin'

2009-05-23T04:37:00.000-07:00

:-)

Hello readers! Im in a good mood today! I dont know if its because all my hard work has finally paid off or because i reunited with my highschool sweetheart :-) lol or because the summer is right around the block!

Woot woot! Whatever it is im happy im in a better mood!
:-p

Random shit--are you following me on twitter!? Well you should be because apparently im hot shit in twitter land lol

www.twitter.com/aapplebaum

Im at work right now and im really wishing i was at home in my bed talking to steffffff :-( i get off at 8am so i have 1hour and 30min. Its like the last hour drags by super slow. Ehhh, i guess i cant complain to much, im laying down watching 'Love and Marriage".....didnt somebody from this show die? Christina applegate? Mmm i dont know.

Sooo being that the summer is approching my friends and i have made Thursday nights "friend night" lol basically we are going out every thursday! I wish i knew how to bbq (i know that was random) but i want to have bbq's more often! Oh! For the summer i took off all the last weeks from june to sept for all trips and out of town visitors! I wanted to go see NickieB first but E was talking about planning a road trip to NY and u know i never pass up a trip to brooklyn :-) so whatever comes first youll be sure to know! Also, i want to vist Chicago for the first time this summer, maybe in aug.

Ohhh and unfourtantly* i wont be able to spend the 4th of July in NY like i planned :-( somebody from my job already took the days off and two people from the same site on the same shift cant put in paid time off at the same time. Blah! Annnd last year she was preganat so she should enjoy her time off this summer :-)

Okay i ran out of things to talk about sooooo ill blogituplaterz!
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Your feelings vs Mine

2009-05-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get upset with the impact I have on people, if that makes sense. Well I guess what I'm trying to say is that I get fed up with being placed so highly-- Its way to much pressure, sometimes I want to be the fuck up. (I'm not trying to sound like all mighty Andy) but my problem is I care to much! I'm one of those people who actually gives a fuck about the other person and very rarely do I base my decisions on how I'M feeling--which is in turn why they place me so highly and love me, because you don't get shit like that with regular people. Like for example; I stayed in a relationship that was totally one sided, it was literally ALL ABOUT HIM! his drama, what he did today, where he wants to go, how he is feeling, blah blah blah and I let that shit rock for a while but as soon as i needed him and I confronted him about it, he told me things were to stressful and bounced lol. Not only that I find myself in a lot of situations where people are saying things like "I'm suppose to put you before me?" and then I'm thinking in the back of my mind "I DO IT FOR YOU ALL THE TIME".

So now it has me feeling like--damn I kind of wish I didn't give a fuck about people.Because its almost second nature to think of somebody else and how they might be feeling before I even consider my own feelings (and this only applies to people that I love--like family and close friends).

But here is the thing, when I confront the people about this and they read the previous blogs I have written on the subject, they say I'm right but then turn around and ask me why have I changed and then try to convince me not to and they want things to go back to normal.

Either I'm going to change or I'm going to look at you in a completely different light, because its already fucked up that we are suppose to have a friendship, close bond, or relationship--whatever. and you can't give me what it is that i give to you. feel me? So its me changing or ending whatever it is that we have-- because if I don't do either, where does that leave us? Me putting you first yet again! smh to be honest I have been ending shit with a lot of people because I'm not just talking about one person here, I've been burned by a few with in the past few weeks by this shit.

Only one person has said sorry to me and you all know me--when somebody says sorry I'm quick to say "okay, its fine" but this time I couldn't even lie to him--I told him "Thanks for saying sorry but I'm not ready to accept your apology and I cant continue this friendship"

I guess all I can say is you made your bed now lay in it...to the people that I have cut off and changed towards I'm pretty sure your feelings are hurt by losing a friend but think about it this way--you got the good end of the stick imagine how I'm feeling right now. I honestly cant see how you guys did this "I ONLY THINK ABOUT MYSELF" bullshit because even though I have all rights to be pissed off at y'all I still find myself wondering if you're okay.

smh

Single gal.

2009-05-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

So! Lol after days of being on my "break-up death bed" well not really days more like hours. Ive decided that im over it lol so im sincerly sorry for the last 3 blogs that i wrote being all emo and wack! Ugh im upset that i even let that side show.

So movvvviiinnnnggg onnnnn :-) if you havent noticed ive been staying really busy lately and part of that was because i didnt want to have free time to obsess over "him" but the other reason is because im preparing for the summmmmeeerrrr!! Woot woot! Lol big things are happening this summer; new car (i really want a mustang) new apartment, new wardrobe, and alot of trips and shit. Oh and a few people will be coming to vist meeee :-) starting with mr lovaaaaa lol :-) i cant wait we are gonna have so much fun! And like a said a few others will be staying for weekends. So ive been working alot to support all this misc crap lol

Ohhh everybody cross your fingers for me! I really want this second job working at the bank part-time. If i get that job ill be so good! Like able for afford my dream BMW good! So keep your fingers crossed and you should if you want me to come pay you a visit! Lol because that extra dough comes in hand.

Ehhh well right now im over my mom's house, i was o.d hungry so i made a quick stop over here to eat--and now im bored, i finally got a night off of work but i have nothing to do but catch up on sleep. Which is a good things because i have wack ass bags under my eyes! Can you say going to the spa next friday? Yerrrrr.

Well im about to leave here...

Blogituplaterz
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Ok well

2009-05-18T21:28:00.000-07:00

Im feeling a little better now that ive spent almost a whole day with Rico. :-) its good to have a friend that knows all the right things to say no matter what situation im in. Rico ill love u until the end of time! You've been there for me when nobody else has and you have my trust and a spot in my heart forever!

Nickie thanks for texting and checking up on me to make sure im okay--i love you sooooo much!

And last but not least *dramatic music plays* lol Justin, thanks for always staying in that room with ur dixie cup in hand. Honestly i dont know where id be without you.

Okay not that the public thank you's are out of the way......im in lazy mode right now--am i the only person who gets out of the shower, lays across the bed to air dry, and gets up like 10min later and gets dressed? Lol ehhh, whatever! So im in for another long ass work shift! I go in tonight @ 12am i get off at 9:30am then @ 4pm i have to go in at another site, i get off there @ 9pm then i have to go back to the main site at 12am and i get off @ 9:30am

Bullshit? If this isnt grinding i dont know what is.
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"burn in hell, girl"

2009-05-18T04:27:00.000-07:00

Somebody said that to me last night--somebody that i loved said that to me.

Bullshit right? And what makes it even crazier they said it after they apologized for treating me fucked up.

Well, thats all behind me now, that person is so dead to me i need a new word for dead.

Me changing has already set a few people off and i guess thats how im going to seperate the real from the fake--another person i thought i was friends with said "if your only thinking about yourself and you wont be there how u have been there i dont see the point in this friendship"

:-| like forreal?

What the fuck is going on with people!? Its like people look at me like im some type of robot or some unemotionless being! Im so over shit--like u assholes have really sent me into shut down mode. Im aware i dont show my emotions and what state of mind im in but i say it right here right now, you fucks have really broken me! Im really fucked up over this shit!

But id like to say thank you to the two people who have been there and the one person who is trying to make things right! Thanks for allowing me to vent, cry, talk, and for the advice. You have no idea how much it means to me! THANKS for allowing me to be human!
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Back on my blogging ish!

2009-05-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

So now that my life situation is at an all time low--it makes perfect sense for me to blog! Yay for you nay for me!

What been going on you ask? Well for one im having family issues, work issues, money issues, friendship issues, and a whole mess of other bullshit!

Oh wait, one aweeessoommme thing did happen yesterday and im so not gonna go into details but somebody did something really unexpected and it made me soooooooooo happy!

:-D

Well anyways, its 4pm and im working at another site until 10pm then i have to be at my regular site at 12am and i get off at 9:30am--im hating it!!! I just cant wait until i get a second job so i can get a hold on shit and get ready to move into my new place in July.

Ehhhhhhh oh i know that i said id be vlogging by now and i still am just wait! Lol

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Its been a minute.

2009-05-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

I know its been a while and its not because i havent had anything to blog about. (Trust me its hella shit going on) but today is a wack day and i really need to vent because the people id usually talk to are sleep and shit *rolls eyes*

So the point of this blog? Selfish ass people! Last night i was in a situation where this chick did nothing but think about herself and she TOTALLY fucked up my night and thats only where it begins. But thats not even the main reason as to why im so fucking mad.

The thing is time after time this chick needs help from me, advice from me, this, and that. I have no problem being that because not only is it my job but i dont give a fuck about being there because i love her. But im o.d pissed because i cant even get a fraction of that shit out of her.

But it doesnt end there this was like killing 2 birds with one stone. So i tried to talk to another person about it (a REALLY close friend) and this nigga ended up making it worse and said something along the lines of "thats between yall blah blah blah im not taking sides blah blah blah stop thinking about it"

:-|

Like seriously, im going through so much in my life right now (only my cousin knows whats really going on with me) and i find it that im trying to make everybody else happy and feel good and be there for them but NOBODY gives me that in return--nah i take that back, one person is there.

I know im the "go to person" in alot of situations--but people are failing to realize Andreia is a person who has a heart, feelings, and everything else. What is it gonna take to get something out of you so called "loved ones?"

I wonder how niggas would feel if i just stop giving a fuck all together? Like if you came to me with something you're upset about i just said something like "stop thinking about it" nobody wants to hear that shit when they are going thru something no matter how big or small it is, if im making a big deal out of it, obviously im upset and emotional about it...fucking talk to me!!!!! Duh! Tell me something!

I guess its time for me to flip shit and start not giving a fuck about people. Like i should have just told the chick "oh well ur not fucking up my night so just deal with it" then id be any selfish asshole, right? Smh

Fuck everybody
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Celibacy and the city [last entry]

2009-04-28T00:05:00.000-07:00

I swear its really funny how the world works--im seeing alot of things really diffrent and im open to something i never thought id be open to.

Lets just say sombody really has a hold on me lol and sadly this will be the last blog i write that has to do with my relationship status and my dating life. I know its wack and all of that but you wouldnt believe the drama my blogs have caused me. So 'Celibacy and the city' will be put to rest--or put on hold until i make sense of the situation that im in.

Dont think for one second that my decsion was swayed by haters or the men i talk about in my blogs. This was soley based on what i feel and being taken serious. But i will end things with a little info-- im still single, its been 1year and 1 month since ive last had sex, and i decided to move forward with somebody that i talked about in my blogs but we are moving really slow and that seems to be working out good.

So in order to make things last and to try and make the best of it im going to put this on hold until futher notice. I hope you all arent to mad at me because i still plan to keep you entertained in other ways..

Love yalllllll!!!!!!
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Yo yo son

2009-04-26T23:28:00.000-07:00

Umm where is my charger? Anywho lately my days have been slow and boring but that will change VERY soon! Lets just say i will be doing something drastic in the next few months lol

Ohhhhh everybody cross your fingers for me until july I found my dream apartment a few days ago but i wont be able to move in until aug 1st. Its sooooooo fucking cute and ill feel so carrie bradshaw lol its right in the city and its a brownstone. People always say you shouldnt get ur hopes up because u might not get it--but the secret of life is to want something, think about it, meditate about it, hope for it, and work hard for it.....and in the end you will get it.

Dont believe me? Think about the last thing you wanted really bad and u worked hard for it--no matter how long it took you got it didnt you? Yeah, i know you did.

Okay enough of that time for the random updates.

-Brooklyn is doing good he is a big boy now and he thinks he's simba. :-)
-work is work. From here on out i will be working a double shift on weekends. So i'll go in at 12am friday night and get off at 4pm sat evening. Sounds crazy but the extra cash really comes in handy!
-I get paid 3 times in May and ill be paying my speeding ticket off and going on a summer shopping spree.
-Im crazy tired right now.
-I really want a BMW and i have a feeling im going to get it.
-I still need to get a second job to support my shopping/trips to new york habit.
-my little sister (the clone) is having a bday party at the cadillac ranch May 5th and the drinks will be happy hour priced! Whoooooooo! Lol
-My dress for her party is super cute.
- i miss my old phone that didnt have this wack ass update and my 200 contacts.

Welp thats all folks!
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Celibacy and the city [10]

2009-04-20T22:46:00.000-07:00

Ughhhhh im feeling so wack today! Let me just say writing this blog is a MAJOR risk. Lol but fuck it im real and i have to keep you entertained right?

Okay so right now im feeling really upset and its so bad its taking physical effects! My tummy has been twisting and turning all day, my chest is tight, and my head has been killing me. So i know ur asking yourself "damn what got her sick like that"

Welllllllll im definatly fed up with my ex he hasnt been real with me and he's constantly "hurting" me and its fucked up because its one of those situations where my logic is going up against my feelings and its making me weak. I guess im finally having the break-up feelings because it has me feeling like i want to call him and cuss him out and call him out on all the shit he's lied about but then i feel like i want to call him and cry and tell him how much i wanted things to work. So i just decided not to talk to him at all...so ive been avoiding him and today i told him i just wanted to be alone.

Okay so the other reason why im feeling wack is because i recently met a guy and we will name him "Brandon" so brandon and i have been vibing and getting to know each other and he definatly is moving WAY faster than i am. Last night he asked me to be in a relationship with him and i told him that i wasnt ready and im going through a break-up. So he feels like ive lead him on and he thought something deeper would come from our friendship and now he's acting out and he wants to have words with my ex because he thinks its his fault or some stupid shit like that. He also keeps saying i shouldnt have lied to him (which i didnt) because he's open to me and its going to be hard for him to just walk away from sombody he likes so much.

*sigh

I just cant understand why im in this fucked up ass pattern! Like this shit is the sameeee ole thing and now that im trying to break the pattern im wondering if ill be letting a good guy walk because my ex fucked me up--but then again its not healthy for me to keep trying to get over one heartbreak by starting a new relationship. Its really unfair to the rebound guy.

Smh thats how J.D and i hooked up....i was heart broken by john then i met j.d-- so i guess i dont feel so bad and i say that because ive finally noticed my pattern and im breaking it!

I wack tho because Brandon is a fairly good guy and ive sucked him into my fucked up love life. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Fuck this.

Im about to keep stuffing my face and call John back and listen to him say "you'll be iight" lol

Oh! Before i forget i wanted to let u guys know that ill be switching over to vlogs next weekend!! Woot woot!!!
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A surge of energy.

2009-04-20T06:39:00.000-07:00

So ive let you mutha fuckas shine long enough. Lol a few days ago i got an amazing surge of creative energy back! I started a new project, photoshop is back on my computer, annnnndddddd i set up a photoshoot with my favorite person in the whole wide world (his name shall remain a mystery) for next weekend. So you know what that means? Well i hope you guys had fun while i was going through hibernation. Im at work right now but i plan on giving this blog a fresh new look along with my myspace page. I was suppose to do it last night but and gina got caught up in Kennedy Highschool talk. Lol

I have sooo many ideas its crazy! I had a block for a year and all of a sudden i cant control my wondering mind.

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Celibacy and the city [9]

2009-04-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

Lol yeaaaaahhhhhh it has started! Im almost certain my blog will pick back up on traffic once i start putting all my business in the streets. Lol

Okay so ummmmm i guess i should give any update on all the previous guys.

For starters J.D and i broke up--it just wasnt working and i got sick of being let down and from the last convo i had with him "i was bringing him down"

Damn i forgot the fake names i gave everybody.....

Um Mr. Sauve has a girlfriend and he's all in loveeee. But him and i still remain good friends.

John is also back in my life and he is also my bessssstfriend. We made up and talked about every aspect of our relationship and realized that we are better off as bestfriends....i love that asshole.

Uhhhhhh and as far as the other guys i dont talk to them and i have no idea what they are up to.

So now that im recently single ive been on a few dates, met 3 new guys, and just been having fun. Buuuuutttt im definatly NOT looking for a relationship or anything close to it -- they just dont work for me. so im just having fun and hopefully nobody gets attached because im definatly not.

So i hope ur ready to read about my sucky ass love life yet again lol
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Closing one door.

2009-04-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

Well hopefully the saying is true "when one door closes another one opens".

Im not a person with all the answers, im not right about everything, and i havent experienced alot being a young 22. But with all that being said i know whats right for me and my standards for my life. Many people fail to realize it but the desions i make are based upon whats best for me. Call it selfish, call it mean, call it whatever you want-- but at what point do take charge of your life and stop being somebodys doormat?

That applies to any aspect in life, if you're not happy in a situation you do whatever it takes to change it.

But whatever on another note...im at work and im stupid tired. I know i said this will be the last month i over work myself but im not sure it is.

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REPOST: "Its a fucking balance, duh!

2009-04-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

I originally posted this Jan 10th...I had to remind myself of some of the things i talked about in this blog because once again...I lost myself.

so here is a reminder for you also...

Iight, so....no surprise ive hit another bump in the road. Im not going to go into much detail on exactly what went down and why it did, but i will talk about how im feeling as of now.
Growing up and going through life i havent been a very optimistic* person and i blame it on the fact that i was born sept 5th (virgo) but in any case, i just cant help but to pay attention to the negitive things in a person/situation. Yea, i live for the day or wait let me correct that i live for the moment---but i still make mental notes of the things i dont agree with or like. Because in the end those are the things that will make shit crash if not paid attention to.

Wait, dont get me wrong i pay as much attention to the positives, and in most cases that can out weigh the negitive, no doubt about it.

But as i took a little second to collect my thoughts after the situation i asked myself "whats true anymore?" And i asked that because; we are all lost! Nobody has the right answer because everybody is focused on the wrong things (before this so did i) and im not talking about who is right or wrong. No, its much deeper than that---im talking about people who shut out the negitive and embrace the positive. I know this might sound a little off but just rock with me for a second.

Life is made up of good and bad, its a polarity...with good comes evil, with hot comes cold, with happy comes sad, with love comes hate, ect..... Those are just the common laws of exsistance. So inevitability with positive comes negitive. So our problem is we dont except negitive situations because we dont want to deal with them, we are too weak, we dont care for it, we dont want to be around it. So by us avoiding it we throw off the balance which then causes for less of a better term 'drama'.

Of course negitive shit is wack but bottom line is, its never going to stop. And as soon as you realize that and stop thinking with an unconsious mind you will overcome it just as easy you can a positive one. It all boils down to how you handle shit....this is a very hard thing to live by and this is something i learned a while back, but ive really let myself go in the past few months and ive been sucked into shit that "isnt real" by a way of thinking vs. The situations i find myself in.

Ughhh.......
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Fucking wack.

2009-04-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

Ugh things seem to be going in on on downward spiral. I dont even wanna talk about that shit.

Well anyways i went to the L.B today and i picked up 'The Beautiful Fall' by Alicia Drake its basically about fashion in the 70's the drugs, the parties, the drama, the glitz, and the glamor. Oh and the rivalry between Saint Laurent and Lagerfeld.

The book has been out for on on few years so you might be familiar--or not.

I dont have many updates other than my vacation is over and it was definatly NOT what i thought it would be. Smh full of fucking drama. *sigh* im in this hell hole now.

My mood sucks right now so ill blog when i feel better.

**dont you hate when ppl talk to u and they are not getting the painfully obvious hints that ur not in the mood!!!!
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DOOM X HIPHOPDX

2009-04-13T18:04:00.000-07:00

HipHopDX: So just to get it out of the way, can you address the recent scandal where you were allegedly sending an impostor to perform in your mask at DOOM concerts?
DOOM: [Laughs] Alright. Here's how I look at it, because the wording in there is kinda funny. "Impostor." Impostor would imply that the character. I liken it to this: I'm a director as well as a writer. I choose different characters, I choose their direction and where I want to put them. So who I choose to put as the character is up to me. The character that I hired, he got paid for it. There's no impostor.

DX: But the fans are presumably going to see you, as that character.
DOOM: That's what they're coming to see? Me? As the character? When I go to a show, I'm going to hear the music. I'm not going to see no particular person. I'm going to hear the music, if I can't see the motherfucker... I might be blind. Any cats that are coming to see me as a physical person, I can switch the [actor] any time. I'm not gonna play the part of that character every time. Like how [actors] changed through the Batman series, where it was George Clooney & it switched like five [other actors].

People need to think outside of the box, Hip Hop is not just what you expect it to be. This is a growing genre, it's a creative field. So when you come to a DOOM show, I'm letting all the cats know now, come to hear the show and come to hear the music. To see me? Y'all don't even know who I am! There are certain times I did shows and shit, I took a year off, and I went back to doing the character. I couldn't find nobody to do the character so last minute I said, "Fuck it, I'll do it." Came back, did the show, lost a little weight. You know, I'm trimming down, watching my diet. I come back, do the show, sound was excellent. But as soon as I get off the stage, they're saying it wasn't me. Alright, it's never me. I'm the writer. It's a show. That's where it's getting twisted in Hip Hop. It's all visual. People want to go see the guy with the big chain who's bragging about all these cars that he has. That's where it gets twisted. This is music. Technology makes it possible for me to still do music and not have to be any particular place. I'm using all that. I'm using every aspect at my disposal to project my creative thoughts. Either people gonna get it or they not. But I'll tell you one thing, if you're coming to a DOOM show, don't expect to see me, expect to hear me or hear the music that I present. And it's gonna be a unique experience every time. So that's all I have to say about that.

DX: About the DOOM character, I was always struck by how he started off as a very serious, sort of broken man on Operation Doomsday and has since evolved to become more jokey, more cartoony. Is that something you’ve done consciously?
DOOM: Yeah, [on] Operation: Doomsday, the way I presented it was as an introduction from the character from an outside point of view. Way outside. Okay, there's this guy that everybody is calling the super villain. You hardly know anything about him, so you're hearing things, and you gradually get introduced to him through what he puts out as propaganda, what he shows outwardly. Then gradually the [MM]...Food record comes around and at that point you're kinda familiar with the dictatorship side of the character, more serious like, the take-over-the-game conqueror aspect of him. Then you get to the, "Oh, he's not such a bad guy, they call him the villain but, now we get to know him and he seems cool. What's so villainous about this guy?" Right? So with this record, the third installment in the trilogy, there's even a closer, more candid [look]. You already know him. He's your man now, so you don't call him MF DOOM every time, you call him DOOM now. That's the reason for [the name change]. You get into the mind of the character like that's your homeboy. It's almost like from the outside how people can be perceived as being villainous or bad or evil, you know. When you're looking at one thing from a certain perspective it could seem like anything.

DX: Are you surprised by how widely people have accepted DOOM since you created him?
DOOM: [Laughs] That's crazy because that's news to me. I don't even keep track of it.

DX: Well you're up on Cartoon Network and all that. Most underground rappers don't have that level of visibility.
DOOM: Stuff like that just kinda happens by accident. I meet up with cats that, they're fans [of me] and I'm fans of them. So I don't know if that's [an accurate] gauge to say that it's widely accepted just because my mans said, "Oh snap, you should do a show!" "Word? Yeah I'll come on there, I'll wear the mask." But I guess it's being it more widely accepted. I had no idea that it'd even get to this level.

DX: I always think back to when you did those Christmas spots. Now for someone who listens to Hip Hop those makes sense, but do you worry that there's a whole different audience that is missing the context?
DOOM: Right all they [see] is a guy with a mask. That's cool. That's who the character is. He might pop up anywhere. He's not necessarily stuck in the Hip Hop genre. It's flexible like that and that's what's fun about it. I'm not stuck in that box. The character can do anything.

DX: Do you think there'll ever be a point where you retire the character?
DOOM: I thought about it. I was about to retire the nigga after this [album] but then my wife talked me out of it. She felt like I would be killing myself or something. So I think that he's gonna have to be an infinity guy. As long as Superman and Batman and all these guys have been rocking 50 years, the villain will be the same way, rocking. Timeless and ageless. He's just that super villain.

DX: It seemed like you slowed down on recording for a while. Did you think you were spreading yourself too thin?
DOOM: No, if I had more shit I would have put out more shit at the time. They come in spurts and shit. Pause, if you know the pause game. But [if I release] three albums in a year, I might have been writing those albums for three years. The three years that I'm writing them, you might not hear anything. It takes a lot of research to make sure that the story makes sense and to double check for consistency. Not to mention I'm also a father and a regular guy out here in the world.

DX: It must be nice to have that anonymity, where you can have that career and the go back to being a regular guy and not get approached you on the street.
DOOM: [Laughs] Yeah, niggas don't approach me on the street. I think I'm the last motherfucker you want to really approach, even to ask for the time. It's total freedom. It's cool, I couldn't even imagine doing it with that much attention.

DX: But you obviously saw some of that attention in the KMD days though.
DOOM: Yeah but when you're young, you're not thinking about it. I got bored with it then. It was corny. So by the time I figured out this new way to present the music I made sure that I edited that out. The mask just happened to fit. But at the same time the mask represents sound and not sight. It doesn't matter what you look like. Not to mention, I think the listening audience sympathizes better with a masked character because it could be them in his shoes. I think it's easier for them to put themselves in his shoes. It works good like that. It could be anybody behind the mask. It could be you, it could be your uncle. It gives the listener a way to sympathize with the character better.

DX: You have a Charles Bukowski theme going on with the new record. Are there other literary influences that inspire your work?
DOOM: No doubt. In the case of Operation Doomsday, at that time I was reading the Sidney Sheldon novel The Doomsday Conspiracy. Just by reading science fiction and those kind of things they get my mind in a creative mode. If I see the story took a strange direction, it gets me to thinking, "Wow, my shit I can take a twist there." I just think it kinda broadens things. I always read a book when I'm doing a record. When I get stuck it gets my stuff going. Bukowski was for this record. I'm reading the Bukowski shit and getting into that dude and his plight and his whole mission as a writer. I watched a documentary [about] that dude [called Born Into This]. He really inspired me, just from how he just did his craft without worrying about [standards]. There's no standards to what we do, we just do it. Born Like This, that's why I chose that as the title. Writers are born and we're not doing it like, "Yeah I think I'll be a writer today." We can't help it. If I had another job, if I was a gardener or a city worker, I would still be writing rhymes and doing my little thing. I'm just blessed to be able to do it for a living.

DX: Do you pay much attention to other music?
DOOM: Um. I don't really get a chance to listen to a lot of new stuff unless it's somebody I'm working with. Most of the time I'm working with people like Madlib so I'll hear what he's working on or recently, I bumped into my new friend Dave Sitek from TV On The Radio. I wasn't familiar with his music at all, but we had mutual friends and I played my record and he played me his shit and now I'm into his shit. So it's usually people that I work with. I don't really get a chance to listen to the radio or whatever they choose to present to the masses.

DX: On the new record "Batty Boys" you out Batman and Robin as homosexuals. What would you say to the accusation that that's a homophobic record?
DOOM: I don't know what I would say. It's not about homos. It's about Batman and them. They just happen to be homos. It's a story about Batman and it's like I got a personal beef with Batman, or I'll say the character DOOM, has a personal beef with Batman. Like remember the beef with DMX and Ja Rule ? The character DOOM is just in the realm of cartoons and comics, so his competition is Batman and these guys. And that nigga's a homo, so he's gonna say he's a homo. They ain't saying there's nothing wrong with being a homo. I'm not homophobic, I got friends that's homo. I'd say to the homos it's no big deal, I'm just teasing. I'm a nigga, how about that? You know how much shit I get? It's good to get conversations started like that. I did that [record] intentionally so we could start talking about these kind of things.

DX: I also read it as something a commentary on masculinity in Hip Hop as of late.
DOOM: How everything is tough guy shit?

DX: Actually I was thinking the opposite. It seems like, over the last few years things have gotten kind of... soft?
DOOM: Kinda bitchy? [Laughs] I look at it like, it's just a thing that's going on but there has to be people that speak to us too. We're men, so who's speaking for the men? So say you're not supposed to be like that and it becomes a style and everybody is dressing like this now. Your sexual orientation is a style now? For the youth that's growing up and they try to find their identity that could be a big mistake. So I'm just speaking from the side of a heterosexual male. I didn't try to over-tough-guy the shit, it's just regular shit. At the same time, notice in the song "Cellz," there's shit in there like "pull your pants up man." That's not appropriate for a man to be walking around with his pants all down, plus you'll get slammed like that, how you gonna get up? I'm a father too. I'm teaching, in a way, [to] my sons and anybody else that maybe don't have a father and they look up to the character. So I'm just on that side. DOOM is a beer-drinking guy, he's a responsible guy, but sometimes he might have weird opinions. The character could be homophobic. He could be, but he's not. It just happens that the niggas who he was fucking with at the time happened to be homos. "Them homo niggas took the money. So what you gonna do? You gotta go get 'em" whether he was a homo or not. He could be like "yeah that two-headed dude, he tried to rob me. You gotta go get 'em." Include everybody.

DX: How old are your kids?
DOOM: They range from the ages of 16, the oldest, to my youngest [who] is eight months.

DX: What do they think of DOOM?
DOOM: I got a six year-old. To him it's fun. He wears the Batman mask, I had to go to Toys R' Us and actually buy the Batman mask and the wings. So he's running around the house with the Batman suit on, but then he's making fun of me because I wear a mask too. He knows there's a difference between me and the character so he kinda wants me to throw my mask on and do battle with him. "Batman is better than you." That definitely fueled ["Batty Boys"]. Like "Word? Batman’s better than me? I'm spendin $24 in the store and Batman’s better than me? Alright, I got some shit for Batman." So they think it's fun. I like to have fun with it and make music that they can enjoy and keep the content relatively not so crazy.

But on this particular record I got [Raekwon] on there and I got [Ghostface Killah] on there, so they’ll be doing what they want to do. Their writing style is incredible. On this album I put the best writers that I could get together. Slug from Atmosphere - incredible emcee, the way he writes and gives you a vision that you could just get from his rhymes. Same thing with Starks and Rae and Empress Stahhr, an emcee out of Atlanta that I'm working with. She is like... snap... she is like as nasty as I am. I'll only say that about her. Anybody else I'll be like, "Yeah, he alright, he alright, I'm still the best." But she's damn near right there with me. So I put together a few ill writers. I threw Bukowski in there just to show that we're all writers. And in his time he was underrated and a lot of people couldn't get it, but I got him on this guest appearance because we're all writers. So he gets his verse too.

DX: What's the status of the album with Ghost?
DOOM: Now that this one is out the way, progress will be picking up. It's about 40% done. Forty-two percent done, if I had to say. But then it's hard to gauge because everything is speeding up now, so it could probably be done real fast, within two months I could have it done. Madvillain seems like it's closer to being done. I'm working on the shit now. That shit'll be done within the next two months. I don't know when they gonna put it out. Otis [Madlib] is the producer, so I don't really have to do too much. I think on this record, we're mixing it up. I'll have more production on this one. We're thinking of doing half and half on production and half and half on content. I'm also working on a record for Williams Street, that's Adult Swim's record company. I think I'm gonna do [the alias King] Ghidra on there. I'm not gonna set that in stone, but I think Ghidra might be coming out on Williams Street. So by the end of the year, all of them will be done.

DX: Now what's the difference between Ghidra and Doom?
DOOM: See Ghidra is this 300-400 foot reptilian being, right? If you can imagine him in the third dimension he'd be three headed and about that height. But really he exists in another dimension. So what he does is channel his thoughts through DOOM just so he could express [them] on this plain. I know it sounds weird, but he's channeling his thoughts through DOOM as a vessel so DOOM can speak for him. And I don't know what else to say about Ghidra. Ghidra's Ghidra. He's just a totally different being. Ghidra's records tend to be more instrumental and guest based. DOOM may guest appear there, but DOOM is the actual one who is using his skills and metal fingers to put it together. When DOOM is in tune to Ghidra his production style is Ghidra.

DX: A couple years back you had mentioned plans to bring KMD back as well. Is that still in the works?
DOOM: Well, I'm still working on the next KMD record, it's gonna be different than what everybody would expect. Traditionally, when a group gets back together it's like, "Wow, the guys are back together!" It's totally different. KMD now… of course my brother Subroc, he's on the other side now, so he can't be here physically, so his participation is from that realm. The other guy, Onyx, who played the part of the Birthstone Kid is no longer part of the group, so it's more of a musical experience that is in the direction of KMD. Like, after Black Bastards, what would the next set of music sound like? It doesn't even have to have rhymes on it even. It could be all instrumental. But it'd be that KMD texture or the KMD formulas. It's a different formula to how we do music. The DOOM formula is totally different than the KMD formula, even production-wise. And that's the thing that really sets everything apart. So the group and the title and the essence of KMD, the next record will be that. It's still in the works, it's kinda tricky trying to craft it though. I'm making sure the shit is right, but it'll happen.

DX: Is it hard for you to channel that essence with your brother being gone?
DOOM: Anytime you lose a family member there's a grieving period. But it's not really no different, it's just a different realm, just a different form of communication. We’re all gonna go to that realm eventually. As long as you know that you can still know how to communicate with them. They're not gone, you just can't see them with the naked eye. The naked eye only picks up a certain spectrum of light. What else don't we see and what side are we on? Maybe that's the right side and we're gone. Connections never break. Energy can never be created or destroyed. Anything that it changes to is just change. If you know how to tune into it, it's the same thing. So to me, any of my brothers that are on the other side, I can just still tune into them. If I'm thinking about them I'm talking to them. I can hear them, I still laugh around them. It might look weird like I'm laughing in the room by myself, but I'm laughing with Bukowski, I'm asking his permission, I'm talking to [J] Dilla, I'm talking to Sub. To me, that's how it is. I think we're all headed in that way of overstanding, but to get over the emotional hump is what's important. When people feel like they lost somebody that they love, to know that they're not gone. There's no such thing as out of existence. They're just in another realm. They can hear us and all that from that realm, we just can't see them and hear them with these tools that we have. Or we do have the tools to see them and hear them, we just have to go inside and utilize those tools. Not to get too mushy with the shit.

DX: So back to KMD, you're not in touch with Onyx at all? He's out of the picture completely?
DOOM: Well really in the same way that DOOM was a character, I needed a character to add to KMD so I hired a guy. I had another third guym but he backed out. We just got the [Elektra Records] deal and was about to really formulate the record but we wanted it to be three people because it's easier to get the message across when it's three of us. He wasn't rhyming at the time, he's just one of my homeboys that had a good personality and he was with it. So I guess he wasn't born to be an emcee. He went back to doing whatever he was meant to do in his life. So I may have to hire another guy. Maybe I can find somebody else I can hire as Onyx. If the fans really want to see a guy. Or maybe they'd like to hear the music. This is why it's funny, it's real simple. Music is something you hear. Next time I go on stage, if I chose to go on stage and be the character, I’ma tell everybody to close their eyes anyway. It's about what you hear and the energy exchange.

ehhhh.

2009-04-10T06:23:00.000-07:00

Forgive and forget

2009-04-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

My terms of forgiving and forgetting might be diffrent than others. Ill forgive you then forget you--it takes a lot for me to dismiss somebody out of my life. When I do dismiss somebody I turn cold and lately I've been asking myself is that fair? Like say for instance you did something really shady to me and it hurt me bad but then you noticed your mistake and you came back begging for forgiveness and a second chance at friendship. I'd forgive you but I wouldn't give a second chance...its definatly a much deeper issue within myself and I know that but its just the way things are.

So I was talking to a old friend about it and he told me that I'm wrong for that--he went on and on about how apart of forgiving is allowing things to go back to the way they were and yada yada yada. I understand that to an extent but once a person does somthing wack it doenst matter how muchh forgiving you do it will never go back to "normal" and once you do forgive somebody why do you have to open the doors of friendship again? Psh, whatever its all bullshit if you ask me. You can definatly be civil to a person on some hi and bye shit.

Whatever people are stupid. Who made up these rules anyway?
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FUCKING KILLED IT

2009-04-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

Mannnnnnnn omg BEST shit EVER! Well not ever... but this is the best rap album I've heard in a while. I've always been a Doom fan but I kinda forgot about him. If you love REAL rap--get this album! you'll be so stoked, I promise!

Scott Mescudi.

2009-04-08T05:24:00.000-07:00

the.LIFE Files Shuts Down Alife To Welcome Kid Cudi To NYC! from the.LIFE Files on Vimeo.

Still a funny dude.

Anyway, I think I'm going to start vlogging. I tend to talk alot more when I do things that way and it will be more entertaining for you, right? Yeah so I'm going to buy a cam soon and get my vlog on.

*yawn

2009-04-07T21:33:00.000-07:00

I'm freaking tired! I'm super stoked that I don't have to work tonight and that my vacation starts on thursday!!!!!! I made plans today and my week will consist of two kickbacks at my place, a potential date, and shopping spree in crocker park-- I kinda wanna go to the IX-center (a cleveland thing) idk I might take my younger cousins. Anyways, it just feels so good to be able to relax and chill the fuck out...after the past few days I've been having, ugh! I couldn't ask for anything more.

I'm waking up early tomorrow and hitting the LB and hopefully I can see what's up with this yoga class I use to attend that's up the block. I'm just trying to get my mind right.

Okay well I have a lot of time on my hands so ill be updating round these parts more often!

Nite nite!
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Where Brooklyn at?

2009-04-07T20:02:00.000-07:00

Here is my little boo boo. :-)

yo yo yoooo

2009-04-07T18:42:00.001-07:00

“UPDATE THAT MUTHA FUCKING BLOG”
-Everybody

Yea so, I’ve been on cloud 9 for a while but it all came crashing down at the start of the week. Lol well lets talk about the happy times first—for starters everything that I’ve been saying I wanted for the past few months, I got! All that overtime at work really paid off. I finally went to register at the new school, I got a new blackberry, I got my kitten (BROOKLYN—ill post a pic of him when I go back home), I got the laptop, I did madddd shopping, and I caught up on some bills. So I kept telling my friends and family “dude, things are going way to good…something is going to happen” and something did happen! I’m not gonna go into detail on the sheer fact that I don’t want to upset myself no more than I already am. But a nigga did some WACK shit and now it has me mad disgusted to the point when I think of him and the wack stunts he pulls. It makes my fucking stomach turn and now I’m pissed and its not one of those “aww fuck im mad” nah, it fucks up my whole day when I think about the shit—so as I type im pissed. Man, I just hate liars…nah but dude is way beyond your normal liar…. BUT FUCK THAT! Anywho, a few things have changed and if we communicate often hit my myspace.

On another and much brighter note—whats wrong with Amber? Personally I think kanye and amber look so nice together…it’s like an ideal couple. Like one of those “damn, it must be nice”. Well, that’s what I think when I see pictures of them.

See…

mad nice…real nice! Fuck those NB kanye rocking tho.

Well with that being said… Celibacy and the city will be starting back up REAL SOON! Lol I need a few free meals out of wack guys. Lol at my mother saying “omg Andy I really wish you would leave those losers alone and date a nice Cleveland guy” nice Cleveland guys? Ughhh more like lame ass Cleveland punk—whatever ill give it a try since its been so fucking long. So prepare yourself …I am. Lol

Okay fucktards I’m over my mom’s house doing laundry and I’m sure my shit is dry so ill post when I get to the crib. Oh how I love that free wireless connection!

uhhhhh.....

2009-03-23T12:40:00.001-07:00

Sup bews? Ugh im chilling in the crib waiting on this quil to kick in because as you might know IM SICK AS HELL! This flu is kickin my ass. Yo, there is one thing I like about being sick. My mom is a saint when im sick, I mean the perfect definition of mother. She came to the crib with mad supplies lol food, meds, toilet paper, cold rags, just all -kinds of stuff.

Well anyways, I have some good news! I FINALLY GOT MY FUCKING LAPTOP SON! It feels soooooo nice!! I wish I was ballin and could be apart of the MAC club—but im broke so im still rockin with the p.c.

I know im mad late but this new windows vista is dope! It looks so nice and official! Well im about to go back to sleep…ill update in a few days.

Slow motion.

2009-03-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

Aww man friday isn't coming fast enough. I have so much crap to do this weekend and the following monday I have to go and register for school. (There has been a change of plans) I'm going to attend Tri-c for a few semesters. Then transfer over. Ehhhh, it might sound like a wack move but its the best move I can make right now.

This week has been going stupid slow. Its always like that though, whenever you're looking forward to the weekend the week goes by madddd slow. Ehhh whatever.
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ROB ROY. "FUR IN MY CAP"

2009-03-16T08:45:00.001-07:00

Rob Roy "Fur In My Cap" Director: Ethan Lader from ethandirector on Vimeo.

Think.....green?

2009-03-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention this in my last post.....

So Ace da vinci (he's really dope go check out his music via myspace--ugh! I'm such a dork for not knowing his myspace link. *ill post it once I find out) and I were talking today and he called while I was cleaning my closet. I really don't know how we got on the subject but he said something along the lines of "being healthy is like the new trend" and I replied by saying "oh yeah! Thinking green is the new cool!" and then we laughed about it blah blah blah.

But have you noticed it issssss the new hot shit? Everybodys driving these earth friendly cars, drinking green tea, wearing shirts that read "I love the earth"-- and all kinds of other stuff.

Lol I mean yay at people finally realizing that the world is fucked! But its reallly laughable how wack people are. Niggas not really worried about the world they doing it because ya mans and them doing it! Lol ahhhh its all so cute.

I wonder what the next trend will be......saving stray cats? Ughhhhh lol
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Aw crap shooter!

2009-03-13T22:47:00.000-07:00

Okay okay so my last post (well the one before last) was a little irrational. Ehhh, I was mad so my emotions were heightend times 10. I just got really upset about something that I understand but I don't want it to be real. Does that make sense?

Uhhhh, well a good guy is in a weird situation and it isn't allowing us to grow. So with that said I'm a single gal but I'm stil in love with my now ex-boyfriend. With any break-up it takes time for healing and all of that nonsense! But J.D and I are stil really good friends and I stil care about him alllllloooootttt. So its not like I'm "on the market" again. Were just trying to sort things out. Ehhh. Not my happiest moment, but I'm doing the best I can. (Wondering why my blackberry isn't allowing me to spell s-t-i-l-l correctly)

Besides that let's get into these updates, shun.

So lately I've been reading 'Twilight' I don't wanna sound like a major lame but ITS REALLY GOOD! I can see what all the hype was about because I'm totally in love with Edward (main character) So now I'm reading the second book 'New Moon' its a really good read! Check it.

Speaking of new moon, has anybody else noticed that its friday the 13th and its a big ass full moon out. Eeeeek! Lol

Hmmm, I'm still working super long hours, like tonight for instance I'm working a double shift. My checks have been looking right. ;-) yeaaahhhh! Oh! I know I've been saying it for the longest but I'm realllllllyyyy getting a laptop on friday--thats my word.

oh yeaaa my car wasn't working for like uhhh 3days. (I needed a new battery) ugghhhhh it was the worst 3 of my life!

This is getting random......

Ehhh brb
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Applebaum is back!

2009-03-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

Yeaaaahhhhhh lol okay I've calmed down a lot since last night. (I was od aggy) but I'm straight now. So the million dollar question--what happened? Well to make a long dumb ass story short. In the end I was wasting me time and all the hard work and effort I put in, for pless of a better termed "scared" him. Yeah I know--bullshit! But whatever the case, I'm still happy that I spent the few months I did with him and he helped me out a lot annnnddd it was a nice change of pace while it lasted.

WELL! Now that applebaum is back! Lol I'm sooooo excited for the spring and summer. Last night I talked to an old photographer of mine and we are gonna get back into the swing of things. Lol I'm NOT GETTING BACK INTO MODELING! I'm just getting back under that cleveland spotlight. The crazy thing about it is, my little brother hit me up yesterday like "DJ Applebaumn what's good!?" Like niggas already know I'm coming back from my 2years hiatus! Yayyyyyyy! Lol

This summers agenda;
-mad cookouts
-mad clubs
-mad road trips
-mad shows
-new apartment
-new car
-just maddddd fun!

Oh, and school. Lol

Oh, and ill be vloging all of the summer maddness forsure!

Ehh, so I've been saving my money on something that I'm no longer going to do, so that now leaves me with a lot of extra cash anddddd that shit has me really happy! I already know what I'm going to do with the money ^_^
Uhhhhhh I'm about to go home (I'm at work) ill blog it up laterz.
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Hello again.

2009-03-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

Ughhh totally sorry for the lack of post!

Ok I'm going to jump right in because I'm feeling SUPER wack right now and I need an outlet. So over the past two weeks I've been questioning a lot of relationships I have with people and to be frank, I don't want to have anything to do with any of them anymore.

I always go though this and I'm feeling like its becoming second nature for people to walk in and out of my life so instead of being hurt by it I just find myself becoming upset.

I would go ahead and update celibacy and the city but my mood isn't up for it so going go ahead and put it out here that I'm single again. What can I say? It was a good run but to be honest--relationships aren't for me, well at least relationships with the people I've been meeting.

Some bullshit went down the day before yesterday, and here I am now at 1:29am and its all hitting me exactly what happened and the wack shit he told me. Hmmm? I think the fact that he just did some lame shit sparked all of this.

Fuck it. Niggas can't be happy with the GOOD I'm doing then I don't have any other choice but to give up and move on.

Other than him a few of my "friends" have shown their true colours this week too. I'm just ready to go back to the good ole days when I didn't give a fuck. Its so freeing when you just don't give a fuck.

This day started out regular, I was in a happppy mood, then back to sad. All in the blink of an eye. Tomorrow I swear to you and the earth I'm putting all this shit behind me and moving on! I've dwelled on it long enough to the point I'm literally SICK to my stomach right now. No bueno, not for Andy.

So ill be back with an update tomorrow.
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2009-03-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

Test
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My thighs are killing me.

2009-02-23T04:54:00.000-08:00

I wish I could say its from having sex with my boobie boo boo lol but no! Today was the first day of my work-out class. ITS NO JOKE!!!! Mannn oh man--im cool though lol

Along with that my diet has started. I know what you're thinking "she said that a long time ago" well, I didn't start then. Nigga! Lol. So I think I did good for my first day soooooo catch me on the beach in my bikini lmao.

Oh! Email me questions and blog ideas.....

appleb.fashion@gmail.com

I'm going to do an FAQ so email me those questions, shun!
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Poor Rihanna.

2009-02-21T07:11:00.000-08:00

I know...I know, you're sick of hearing/reading about this--as was I, but after seeing the actual photos I have two things on my mind.

1.) I wonder how much money the guy got for giving this pic to TMZ.
2.) Why the fuck did Chris Brown go SO HARD!?

My friend told me that Rihanna spoke out, I haven't heard anything....but I really feel sorry for her its so wack that she and other women in this world have to go through bullshit like that.

One of my ex's tried to pull that shit with me but it didn't fly. I can't understand how women can stay in abusive relationships--its crazy! But whatever, I bet any amount of money she drops the charges and in the months ahead Chris will do another public apology and go thru some type of anger management (he might have a reality show about the shit to win america back over) and then Rihanna will forgive him and yada yada yada. Shit is never REAL in the entertainment business--NEVER!

On another note, dude who sold that picture is so PAID! Lol he is swimming in cash...pfft! Its a freaking shame! You damn americans love this kind of shit.

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Crash&Burn!

2009-02-20T20:07:00.000-08:00

So when I get off work I'm taking my credit card to my grandmothers house. Why? SO I CAN STOP SPENDING MONEY! I went to walmart and spent $100. ON ABSOLUTLY NOTHING! Lol :( oh, well I did buy a picture frame for some artwork I did and two cans of rubber cement--but that came up to like $40. Ughhhhhhh! I really need to start saving to my trip. Its cool though because I'm getting maddddd overtime at work and I didn't file my state income tax yet so that like a quick $100.

Ugh, I was looking at my agenda before I started this blog and I'm working or going to a class almost everyday till like the middle of march. Can you say grinding? I sure can. I'm tired.....tired as hell!

2hrs later.......

Sooooo I'm running off of 3hrs of sleep. When I got off @ 3:30pm I went over my grandmothers house and I came home to a messy ass apartment and crashed. Then I woke up and started cleaning--now I have 30min to take a shower and get to work on time. Blahhhhhhhhhhh. Ugh!!!!

Ok I'm off to get started and I promise my next blog will not be about how busy I am!
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IM BACK!!!!!!

2009-02-19T21:38:00.000-08:00

Hey bews! Missed me? Oh well I have missed you. Its funny how some of my friends who are readers of my blog will call and chit chat with me when I don't update....but when I update on a regular nobody calls me. Hmmmm, you fuckers all in my business! Lol

Anyways, SORRY for the lack of post you know what I always say "I had to get real with myself" well....nah, not really. I just didn't pay my phone bill lol and the boyfriend refused to do it. Well, I'm lying he didn't refuse. :-p

Butttttt I'm here now! Ha! Okay so let's get into these updates....ummmmm well since I'm SOOOOOOOO excited about this ill talk about it first....I'm going to be spending easter with my boyfriend in Louisiana with his family. Its the only thing that I've realllllllly been looking forward to-- for more reasons than one. ;- ) so yeaaaahhh that's gonna be bomb.

Uhhh? I'm trying to think about shit that has happened since I went awayyyyy. Ehhh, well it will come to me soon enough so ill get back to the updates later.

On another note I'm going to be so busy and tired with the days ahead. Like today for instance-- the boyfriend pratically forced me out of bed at 1pm something (that might be late to you but my body clock runs opposite than yours because I work 3rd shift) I went to go get Audi Applebaum's tire fixed, went to Home Depot (I had mad fun in there lol), got stuck in traffic, and did my hair for the next 3 1/2hrs. I took like a 30min nap and now I'm at work, and I don't get off of work till 3:30pm THE NEXT DAY! Ohhhhh but it doesn't end there! Tomorrow I work from 12am-4pm and it just stays like that for the rest of the month lol

On a whole nother note....did u see Kid Cudi on 106npark? Maybe u didn't--because I almost didn't because who the fuck watches 106? A lame? Yea pretty much! But being that he's a cleveland native that lived in the same neighborhood as me and attended the same highschool annnnd I actually like his music I coluldnt help but to be a bit happy--for him and for the sake of clevelands music. We haven't had anybody since bone lol and the underground scene here SUCKS ass, dick, vagina, and whatever else! Lol buuuut that's another topic for anothhherr day.

I have a lot more to talk about but I have a few phone calls to make andddd conan is on.

Bye! Lol
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*sigh

2009-02-08T13:51:00.001-08:00

Ill be back......

FUCK!

2009-02-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

*sigh*

uhhhh, Im in a weird mood right now. I kind of feel like crying--but i not, im pretending to be a G. So im having one of
those feelings that im afraid of what might come and what might happen so im all uneasy and shit. After today i feel like a certain situation that im in will never go back to the way it use to be... and to be honest I kind of what something to change so i can move on. I just wish my balls were bigger lol no really... I wish that I can say exactly what im thinking instead of fearing what might happen. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr THIS IS SO ANNOYING! I notice the change, I definatly notice the change...its all in the energy ppl giving off. Sorry if im losing you *sigh*

and *sigh* that fucking conversation has been on my mind so hard! I knew in the back of my mind this would happen...did I try to prevent it? yea-- yes i did....but i slipped up. I wish I had magic powers that allowed me to feel what people felt and how they are thinking.

pharrell was right...sooner or later it all comes crashing down.

let me add that song to my blog.

Fucking SNOW!

2009-02-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh so last night there was a nasty snow storm
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My type?

2009-02-03T05:12:00.000-08:00

I don't know why but I've been getting asked what's my type a lot lately. It really got me thinking and my honest answer is.....

I don't know! Lol being that my last 3 boyfriend weren't the least bit alike and I was attracted to them all? Uhhhhh......lol. Of course there are a few must haves

-style (any kind--as long as he's rocking it right. Honestly tho, I'm really into the tighter shirts, fitted jeans, supras, tattoos, and peircings. Lol)
-educated.
-into some form of art.
-eye level to me (I'm 5'10) or taller.
-funny
-sweet (to me at least)

Those are the basics, like if a guy doesn't have at least 2 out of those 5, he's not boyfriend material.

Lol its funny because even tho I say I don't know what my type is. My friends, sister, and mom always point out guys and says "that's your type--isnt it?" And it always is. Ha! Oddly enought in all my years of dating I've only found 1 guy with all 5 of my must haves but he was CRAZY and he cheated on me so womp! Lol

Race doesn't matter. I dated a white guy in highschool, flirted hard with an asian for a little over a year, and I was with a rican for like a year or two. So type? Nahhh gimmie my 5 must haves on whatever (race/looks) and I'm happy!

Ha!
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Updates

2009-02-02T21:11:00.000-08:00

This morning I went to the leasing office to handle the rent situation and everything is in the clear now. Overall I'm a very quiet person but I can get really assertive when I need to and I did just that....I might have taken it a bit far but she needed to understand I DONT play around with money. So, I highly doubt ill be getting into another rent problem.

As you know I cut a few people out of my life over the weekend and I feel like a weight has been lifted but on that same note I'm kind of hmmm, I can't think of the right word to describe the feeling--but let's just say I feel a little "weird" about not having people that I once thought were some of my closest friends near.

I also stated that I'd be getting in contact with people I feel I have really stong friendships with (and like 1 or 2 people who I think are cool) anddddd that's.....that. So if by some chance you're reading this and you haven't heard anything from me you should already know what it is.

Moving along......

I saw NOTORIOUS and my review is that it SUCKED! Super wack! Okay so I've never been a big biggie fan to begin with, but I thought the movie would make me-- become a fan? I don't know what I expected. Lil kim has all fucking rights to be upset....they straight up played her. They casted the role of Pac HORRIABLY and they made him seem crazy. Smh the only good thing I can say about the movie is they casted the role of bigge very well.....dude did a good job. Buuuutt like I said the movie was wack. Lmao@ u losers saying shit like "that movie changed my life" yada yada yada....sap!

Ummmmm OH! Work is work but I did have to report a med error this morning and the lady that I made the report on already hates me lol so be expecting a blog talking about drama at the work spizzle.

Randoms:
-im really thinking about buying an iphone.
-Oriental noodles are the best!
-I decided that I'm going to spend my income tax money on my apartment.
-Bills are going to be the death of me.
-Im almost done reading 'A New Earth'

Ehhh that's it!
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Weekend; not so good.

2009-02-02T04:24:00.000-08:00

Man I tell ya! This definatly wasn't the worst weekend I've ever had but it was really STUPID! The situation about my rent money already threw me for a few loops when I found out about that and I still have yet to get to the end of that.

But it didn't end there.......

I ENDED UP IN EMERGENCY CARE!!!! I will not go into details on why I was all up in EC-- but let me say this, it was totally stupid! Smh and it was definatly because of somebody elses negligence. In the end, I was fine! But I'm still pissed off because I really thought niggas smarted up this time around, but I guess not! Smh

So on that note, I'm also looking at a chick that I've been friends with for yearsssss so diffrent! Because even after the incident she was still being dumb (oh and trust me she knows that I think she's stupid) from here on out I'm looking at that shit like-- I'm moving (might not be major moves but I'm still on the move) and she's standing in the same spot and despite alllllllllllllllllllll the advice I try to give her she's still standing in that same fucked up spot, so at this point IM OUT! Like I'm not going to keep looking back trying to make u see the light at the end of this dark ass tunnel, you don't see it? That's your problem.

I can't feel bad anymore, matter of fact I don't. "She will be iight" and ima leave it at that.

Hmm, let me put this out there just so people know where I stand. I'm trying to better my situation and my problems. I'm not wasting anymore time on any of u because it slows me down in the end. So, I love yall but ill love u better from a distance.

Ohhh and another thing, I'm deleting my myspace page. Close friends will no where and how to find me. So in like the next 3days u will be getting something from me that will show ur importance. If you don't get anything. Welp, ur just one of "those".

I have work to do so I'm outttttt.
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Lost money!?

2009-01-30T19:36:00.000-08:00

Okayyyyy, so you know by now its always some bullshit going down in my life right? Yea so, I get home from my moms crib and I notice a note has been slipped under my door and it reads:

December rent $450
December late fee $30
Januray rent $450
January late fee $30

Amount due: $960

:-|

Nigga! Talk about pissed the fuck off? I'm beyond pissed. Okay so you and I both know I paid my fucking rent! That's always my top priority!!!! ALWAYS! Idk how the fuck these dumb asses fucked me over. But one things for sure---im livid!

its late and the office is closed but I will be in there as soon as that fat ass chick unlocks the door. Feelings will be hurt and curse words will be used. (On my part anyway) because this is just stupid! Even if they catch the mistake w. the computer or whatever lame ass reason they give me as to why they fucked up---isnt enough! I don't appreciate the mistake :-| I'm mad they even came at me like this. Lol you feel me?

And another reason why I'm kind of upset is because I cannot for the life of me find my little money order stubs that shows I got one in the first place. I'm sure if they are on that bullshit they will try to use this against me. I praaaay they are in my car but I doubt they are. C'EST LA VIE!!!!!!!!! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Ill give an update on this in the morning.

But wtf these niggas losing money!?!? This day in age!?!? ARE YOU SERIOUS???????
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OMG.

2009-01-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

This is utterly the BEST movie I have ever saw. I cannot wait until it comes out on DVD. If you havent seen it yet, plz do!

Tired!!!!

2009-01-26T23:50:00.000-08:00

I'm at work and I'm tired as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you all know I'd usually sleep at work when I'm tired-- well I can't do that because one of my managers is working with me tonight. :-| (she's knocked, I might as well go to sleep) ima wait till like 5am tho.

Lol@ me. I knew I should have went to sleep when J.D did. Omggggg its only 2:45am I don't get off until 9:30am

Anywho, I've made an attempt to connect w. the outside world by getting a house phone *wootwoot* I stay going over my minutes so I only use my phone on weekends or with a person who also has tmobile. (Its rare these days) so when people call me I just let it go to my voicemail *smile* and quite frankly I'm sick of you people complaining and stuff! So hit me up for the numbre :)

Toodles!
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Fuck this!

2009-01-25T03:55:00.000-08:00

So remember I said I wanted to go a few months before I started to read a new book? Well, fuck that! I went to the LB yesterday and I got the follow up book to the last book I read.

The name of the current book I'm reading is 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle. I haven't started it yet due to the fact I haven't been in the right state of mind? Idk its just been really hard for me to focus. Dude, I'm stressing so hard about so much shit! Being semi-independent is so hard, yes I said semi because my mom and grandfather still help me here and there but I'm trying my hardest not to ask for their help and its fucking me up. Hmph.

So when I found myself immersed in all this stress I thought I should go read a book. Justin said "you remind me of a old ass lady with a cat who sits around reading books. Where's the excitement?" -- I concur! Lol :(

Oh, well one great thing came out of this stress! It inspired me to come up with a plan-- a life plan. So at like 5am I opened my notes in my blackberry and just started typing away. It started kind of messy but in the end it all came together quite nicely. I made a general outline and then broke the whole thing down into sets of short term goals, w. Deadlines that spread out along the year. Its one thing to know what u want to do in your mind and a whole nother to come up with a plan via paper or better yet blackberry note app. *smile* all and all it made me feel a lot better and most of the stress I was under lifted.

I just noticed something, I'm pretty much that person that everybody runs to when they are having a problem and they need advice for whatever have you. But when I'm knee deep in shit nobody knows what to say to me. Lol like the reactions are "oh, dammmmn, word?, forreal, what u gonna do, that's crazzzy," or they give me dead ass silence and when I'm done speaking they make a noise like "mm".

Fuck!?

Good thing I know a little bit about self-motivation and self-worth. Pfft! If my livelihood was depended upon u fuckers I'd be assed out and depressed. Smh fuck u guys!

*Mental Note: stop saying "fuck" so much*

Whatever though....makes me love myself more! Lol okay so I'm about to go read.

Oh, HI James!!!!! (James told me he reads my blogs) teeheehe

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Bored.

2009-01-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

So I'm in a 2hr meeting right now--oh and I just took a test from my last class. Which I'm sure I got an a on :) well anyways, since I'm bored out of my mind I thought this would be the perfect time to blogggggggggg.

I don't have anything important to blog about because nothing has been going on. Ehhh, what can I say? My life has been pretty lackluster.

Well, let me share with you guys what pissed me off the other day and what lesson I learned. So I was suppose to go into work thursday night--keep in mind I was in the office that wholeeeeeee fucking day taking a CPI/PIT class and I saw my manager about I good 3 times. So I leave the office and I head over to the house that I work at and when I get there, its already 2 staff waiting to work 3rd shift and when I walk in a look of confusion hits everybodys face. So my co-worker said "I thought u called off" I reply by saying "no I didn't" and another co-worker says "oh, andreia--Latrica wants u to call her" (Latrica is my manager) so I clock in and before I can hang up the phone the line beeps and its her. She says "Andreia I told them to tell u to call me when you got in. Well anyways you have been removed from the schedual because u missed the all staff make-up meeting" so I reply by saying "I asked you the day after the meeting when the make-up meeting was. You told me that you would tell me via email when they put the date out, do you not remember that?" And she says "yeah, I remember but I never checked my email to see the make up dates" I reply by saying "iight" and I hung up the phone.

So at that poing I'm pissed. I'm pissed for two reason.

•she saw me in the office 3 times that day. The class was from 6pm-10pm and my co-worker said they called her at 4pm to cover the shift. So, she knew when she saw me those 3 diffrent times that I had been taken off the schedual, and she waits until I arrive at the house to inform me!?!?!?
•The managers are suppose to inform staff of make-up meetings. Why? Because a email is sent out to them from their superiors when the make-up dates are and from there they should inform us. She clearly remembers me asking her more than once and she kept saying "ill find out and let you know"

So this whole time I'm thinking they still haven't sent out the fucking email. But to the contrary she never checked her email. Smh in the end I got mad at myself because this lady has shown her colors to me more than once--she isn't the least bit responsiable and yet again I give her the benifit of the doubt and I'm fucked over. I should have called her manager and asked straight up when the make-up meetings were.

Fucking idiots man I tell ya. Whatever tho.

On another note, I think I'm done with myspace! I mean, yeah me being computer-less might have a deal to do with it, but then again it might not be, being that I have the myspace app on my blackberry which Is just as good as the real deal if not better. I'm just not that into it anymore! *shrugz* so for those who care to keep in contact email me......

appleb.fashion@gmail.com

Email is much more of my thing these days, blame it on the blackberry.

:-) ttyl fuckers!

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Celibacy and the city [*7]

2009-01-23T07:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, back by popular demand. Lol no really, alot of people have been asking about my new relationship and how its going--so what better way than to let u know with a blog!?

My love life couldnt be better, i mean that! J.D and i have had a rocky month and there has been alot of adjustments on both our parts but things seem to be getting better between us.

Last night we had one of those longgggggg relationship changing convo's--not that things were bad to begin with, they are just getting better and better.

A few of my close friends know about a situation that J.D and i are in that had me scared shitless of how it would effect us and our future. Well, thanks for all the advice and everything! I really appreciate it but my heart belongs to J.D and i told him id be there for him no matter what and thats what i plan to do and after going over it about a billion times with him.....he has assured me there is nothing to worry about and I trust him. So I'm super excited about what's going to happen any day down! :)

Another great thing is my family is egar to meet him, not only my mom and little sister but my aunts, uncles, and my crazy ass cousins. So we will be meeting each others families sooner than later. So, I'm sure u know that's a big step.

Well all and all we are doing really really good.
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Ehhhh

2009-01-17T15:54:00.000-08:00

Before i fall into my food coma, i thought id update this blog for kicks :) my 3 day vaca has been cool! (Despite the fact that im on my period, too much info? Sorry.) Ive gotten tons of rest--when J.D. Wasnt around, no i take that back he still managed to wake me up 3 times last night while he was at work. Im still mad! Nah im lying :) i missed him while i was sleeping. Lol ok ok ill stop.

So i beat Guitar Hero: world tour. I dont know how i feel about Bobby (my avatar) commiting suicide with ozzy at the end. Ehhh, not how i saw him going out-- an overdose on drugs would have sufficed. So with that being said i need something else to do, any ideas?

The shower is calling me! You know when you dont have shit to do you wait till like 6pm to shower? Oh, thats just me? Iight.

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.....And here we go again.

2009-01-14T22:09:00.000-08:00

My New Years Res was to be productive. Im not going to lie, its the 15th day into the new year and uhhhh i havent done much of anything. So, when i came into work i signed up for 50hrs of overtime!.....yeah, 5O! I have a CPI class coming up and i have to set up my meeting with the people in charge of CFW.

So, here we go.....when i get started im not stopping! Tonight is my last night to work then i have the next 3days off. I plan on spending time with J.D and getting as much sleep as my body will allow me. Fuck video games, reading, t.v, myspace, aim, this blackberry! Im going to be knocked for the next three days....starting as soon as i get home in the morning. Im taking a hot bath, talking to J.D, and going RIGHT to sleep.

Oh, thank god im off work when this nasty ass snow storm will hit! Ill see a bit of it in the morning but by the time i wake out of my slumber on the 3rd day it will be over. So good luck clevelanders!!!!!

Well...see you hotties in 3 daysssss!

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Offensive?

2009-01-14T07:13:00.000-08:00

So as you know im the "artsy" type, i love anything that has to do with art (which is pretty much EVERYTHING) and i express my love for art in anyway that i can and one of those ways happens to be body art.

Okay so i was having a convo with somebody about tatts and this person has been back and forth to the tatt shop many times this past month because he was thinking about getting his first tattoo. Iight so today we were talking about tattoo's and he was like "im thinking about getting a sleeve, but my grandmother doesnt want me to get it" so im like "nahhh you should get it yada yada yada" then our convo gets deeper and he says "i cant go to business meetings all tatted up....blah blah blah i wont get the job"

So at this point im ready to debate, but im at work so i just reply by saying "well then u shouldnt get a tatt because it will always be in the back of your mind" and then he says " you think ima choose some ink over money!?"

Lol, so again, im ready to debate but im still at work so i walk into another room and i say "if you walk in the room with the right education, mindset, determination, swagger, and experiece. You will shine brighter than any other canidate in the room tattoo or not" then he says "you cant get mad at me get mad at the people running the company's"

Iight so i let that rock and then i was like "you were the one talking about getting some ink now ur talking like u never wanted it to begin with"

To make a long story short our convo is going nowhere because he's saying shit like "u ever seen a doctor with a tatt?!" So im like "convo over" and he has to get the last word by saying.

"You go ahead and MARK your body up, im not!" (In a fucked up tone of voice, might i add)

Iiiiiiigggghhhhhtttt! So at that point i hang up the fucking phone and as i type this im HIGHLY OFFENDED (and im on my period so its 10x)

First fuck up is.....i clearly said "dont do it if your going to be in fear of not getting a job"

Granted tatts arent for everybody and thats for one of two reasons....

-just a plain dislike
-fear (of what ppl might say or think)

And thats a okay!

But everybody has some form of body art weather that be your bestfriend who's going to school for law or the nigga flipping your burgers at burger king. Its mad fucking people in this world with ink and its becoming increasingly popular! You wont see less, youll only see more.

And thats not to say "oh since everybody is doing it i should to" im saying if you want some ink and youve been to the tatt shop at least 3 times in a month FUCKING DO IT!

Idk man, i guess you can call me a rebel! I just dont give a fuck! My favorite saying is "im an artist im here to live out loud" works perfect right now.

This dude just really offended my by saying "go ahead and mark ur body up" mark!? Are u seriousssssssss!?

Baby this is fucking art! Im not one of those ppl who go get meaning-less shit all over me (and if you do MORE POWER TO U!) All my tatts mean something...every single one has a meaning and i lovvvve them and i rock my shit with pride! I never doubt walking into a job interview because as i said "im an artist and im here to live out loud" seemingly enough i landed each job and ive ever interviewed for and i nev er had a bullshit job! I was right out ofhighschool working for the city. And i got them because i have a BRAIN and i talk like i have one! Im SMART! Thats why i landed the jobs! Tatts and all!

I know everybody isnt as ballsy as me. But come the fuck onnnn dont play me for having more guts than u with fucked up comments like "u mark ur body up cuz im not" like u have some sort of head start on my because ur inkless?

And its all about the tone u have when u say shit to people and this comment with his tone of voice really pissed me the fuck off.

So, if you have friends with like 5+ tatts and they are an artist DONT SAY SHIT LIKE THIS TO THEM! You might think its harmless....but it isnt.

Smh

Lol, one day we tattooed/peirced "freaks" will rule the world! So rock ur tatted bodies, lip rings, and mohawks with fucking pride! Appleb supports you because im one of you! "The freaks"

Lol!!!!!!!
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Some people have real problems.

2009-01-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

The worst part of the day is when i get bored. Matter of fact this whole day has been pretty fucking lame. When i got off work i went straight to my moms house where i did laundry and chilled with my little sister and her boyfriend. I got to my moms house around 10am and didnt finish laundry until like 6pm which pissed me off.

To make matters worse, J.D and i were arguing *rolls eyes* and we havent talked at all today--well besides the pre-convo before our argument. First day without him.....totally sucks! Even though i miss him like crazy im O.D mad at him.

So i left my moms house around 6pm, went home, and started cleaning my crib. I finally laid down around 8pm for my nap. Annnnnd here i am right back at work now (12am)

Im so freaking tired and hungry! I only had bacon today! Smh when i get off of work im going straight home and right to bed! Even though i have mad shit to do. Fuck it, im not crashing again. Not me.....nope....no fucking way.

[Currently listening to: I go to sleep- Sia]

Sia is fucking awesome, best album to listen to when you're sad, lonely, stressed, or mad. Yea, you get my point all the "emo" shit.

Ive noticed im a potty mouth right now, blame it on the lack of sleep/food. *sigh

So im not working with Gina tonight (my friend) but instead im working with this other lady. Shes cool, an older lady, and shes super sweet. But when me and Gina work we chill the fuck out! Like mad sleep, lights off, ordering food, talking on the phone, gossiping....ect. So as i said im tired as hell and the lady got mad lights on, she making mad noise, she keep trying to hold convo's, and did i mention she making mad noise? Ughhhhh i just wanna lay down and go to la la landddd!!!!!!

Whatever!

So, as you knowwwww Its INCOME TAX TIMEEEEEEE!!!! Dude, pfft! *sigh* do you know how stoked i am!? Im going crazy with that money. People keep telling me i should save it or pay my rent up for a few months or put it aside for school. FUCK THAT.....pfft! I wish i would! Lol its mad shit that i want! I probably dont need it but i damn sure want it! (Nah, i do need a computer tho) im going CRAZY! Lol with that being said, ummm NY or CALI friends hit me up because i need yall to pick some stuff up from supreme for me! (Dead ass!)

Alright, fuck this....im going to sleep!
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Disclaimer

2009-01-11T05:17:00.000-08:00

This is a blog ive been meaning to write, butttt i had to get the ok from J.D and i did because im spoiled and i always get my way with him lol

No but on a serious note. Lets just call this a disclaimer.!

Im IN LOVE thats my current status....TAKEN! Alot of people question my relationship and i know alot of you say shit (to yourselves of course) and thats fine but what matters is HIM and I are happy together and it will remain that way no matter what you say and/or do.

Yeah, okay... You read my blog. Yeah, iight you've seen the previous guys ive dated. Yeah, i know that shit between me and them didnt work. Yeah, trust me i noticed its been 9 months since my last relationship.

But this is what you dont know, im not going to stop until i find something real. What i have with J.D is something real, niggas already know i wasnt going to settle and i didnt! J.D is everything i wanted plus a little more. Their are a million and one reasons why im in love with this man and you bet your ass im not going to list the reasons why and how.

But i will say this, i will not stand for the disrespect--- you mutha fuckas can doubt my relationship all you want, but your best bet is to keep the shit to yourself. Especially you bitches, yeah im well aware of the little stunts you pull and how you bitches go roaming the net for me! So being that you tricks do that, im pretty sure you have found my blog. Let me just say this, J.D is rocking with me now, baby girl. He loves it! He loves me, he loves EVERYTHING i have to offer and its gonna take a little bit more than you throwing your pussy at him to get his attention, sweetie. all of you stupid bitches and niggas alike need to realize J.D and i arent playing house! The little games you feeble minded muther fuckers are playing wont get you anywhere but somewhere with hurt feelings and thats real!

Ive been so nice up until this point. I had to put this out there and i will go back to being nice afterwards. Just had to let people know their place. Thats all. Hate it or love, because at the end of the day thats all u can fucking do! Like a friend of mine says "you'll be iight, nigga!" Lmao.

Another thing, if you're my friend...be just that, A FRIEND! If we had something before, its over because im with somebody now and if you want to continue our friendship--- you have to respect my relationship. Point. Blank. Period.

He's mine, im his, he's happy, im happy, he's in love, im in love! So fuck off!

*smile
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Its a fucking balance, duh!

2009-01-10T18:35:00.000-08:00

Iight, so....no surprise ive hit another bump in the road. Im not going to go into much detail on exactly what went down and why it did, but i will talk about how im feeling as of now.

Growing up and going through life i havent been a very optimistic* person and i blame it on the fact that i was born sept 5th (virgo) but in any case, i just cant help but to pay attention to the negitive things in a person/situation. Yea, i live for the day or wait let me correct that i live for the moment---but i still make mental notes of the things i dont agree with or like. Because in the end those are the things that will make shit crash if not paid attention to.

Wait, dont get me wrong i pay as much attention to the positives, and in most cases that can out weigh the negitive, no doubt about it.

But as i took a little second to collect my thoughts after the situation i asked myself "whats true anymore?" And i asked that because; we are all lost! Nobody has the right answer because everybody is focused on the wrong things (before this so did i) and im not talking about who is right or wrong. No, its much deeper than that---im talking about people who shut out the negitive and embrace the positive. I know this might sound a little off but just rock with me for a second.

Life is made up of good and bad, its a polarity...with good comes evil, with hot comes cold, with happy comes sad, with love comes hate, ect..... Those are just the common laws of exsistance. So inevitability with positive comes negitive. So our problem is we dont except negitive situations because we dont want to deal with them, we are too weak, we dont care for it, we dont want to be around it. So by us avoiding it we throw off the balance which then causes for less of a better term 'drama'.

Of course negitive shit is wack but bottom line is, its never going to stop. And as soon as you realize that and stop thinking with an unconsious mind you will overcome it just as easy you can a positive one. It all boils down to how you handle shit....this is a very hard thing to live by and this is something i learned a while back, but ive really let myself go in the past few months and ive been sucked into shit that "isnt real" by a way of thinking vs. The situations i find myself in.

Ughhh.......
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Always running for the thrill of it.

2009-01-07T09:57:00.000-08:00

Well, this blog has no real "purpose" other than i have nothing better to do with my life than bloggggggg.

Last night? Oh, i was bored as hell! But i did have a nice convo with my mom about a close friend of mine. Isnt it good when your parents show you that they are good for something? I got alot of good advice and a "ive been there done that" point of view, which is always good.

While we are on the topic of giving advice and friendships. How do you feel about giving advice? Hmm, me? Shit. I dont think people will be getting alot of it out of me, unless you're one of my few friends who are really receptive to it.

Ive come to realize that most people dont want advice--they just want to vent. Im the wronnnng person to vent with, unless you are a venter who likes a little advice afterwards. I just cant help to put my two cents in....even when its not asked for. And on top of that (sidenote: remember in english class teacher said "never start a sentence with and" yea, well, it seems nearly impossiable) .....i forgot what i was about to say.

Oh! Yea its like i cant help but to tell the truth! And by all means i dont think im the all mighty enlightened one....but some things/situations are just common fucking sense. Its like if you have to think about what it is that you are doing a good 60 times, then chances are your ass shouldnt be doing it.

People have the nerve to say "andy you're a know-it-all" nah son, i know a little bit about ALOT of shit! Get it right.

But i just guess people run for the thrill of it and they need to learn life lessons on their own...but fucking A @ it being common shit.

Ehhh whatever!

Be back later....im tripping off acid mad hard right now. *wink

Oh wait, dont they have some type of sticky hook thats new and its a variable to nails in the wall?....or somethinnngg?? *sigh* nevermind.
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Entertain me!

2009-01-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

Well i have the night off and im bored as hell. As you might know (or maybe you dont) ive vowed to put the books down for a few months. (The yoga/enlightment book) and i must say the past few weeks have been HELL!

T.V just isnt doing it for me anymore--all though the new season of Nip/Tuck has begun (i fucking love that show and ive waited long enough for it to come back) its crazy because i havent been looking at much t.v lately and apparently ive been "living under a rock"

Whatever the case might be i seriously need a book or a working computer in my life ASAP! Dude, something has to give.....looks like my sanity.

Ehh fuck it...im gonna play Guitar Hero now.
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Last week of freedom!

2009-01-05T00:32:00.000-08:00

Ehhh, so this is my last week of freedom, food wise. As you know alot of people start their new diets and exercise routines.

Well, appleB goes to boot camp! Yes, full fledged boot fucking camp. Friday im going up there to pay my $79 and to have my weigh-in. Then right after me and my little sister are going to Ruby Tuesdays for "the last supper"

*sigh* this is gonna be hard because JD is going to be on my ass about it so i doubt ill have a slip up. I read my grocery list to him and he was like "you're gonna have to change that". Lol

Yea, so....wish me luck.
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Celibacy and the city [*6]

2009-01-02T23:00:00.001-08:00

Before i get to the juicy information i knowwww you are dying to read about. Lets back track a bit.

So, when i ended my last blog i mentioned id be talking about my crazy ass ex's in the next entry--so here we are.

Okay sooooo the last boyfriend i had (we are going to name him S.B) was my bf for a good 4 1/2 months but we had been talking for a little over 2yrs? And when i say drama.....dude drama is dead ass an understatement! He put me through hell and back, but of course i thought it was lovvvveee.

So we finally mad it official and it went really good for the first couple of months then i found out through a great great friend of mine, S.B had been flirting with his bestfriend and not only that he said some really fucked up shit about me to her--anddd on top of that he was a horriable boyfriend.

So, SB found out that i knew he was being a little snake and from that point on he avoided me, never answered my phone calls/text/aims or anything (i only tried to get his attention for 2days then i said fuck it)

All of this went down in like june. Now, lets fast forward to uhhh a week ago. Iight so a week ago i was on my old aim screen name, and i saw SB's screen name signed on (because of course he blocked me from every other screen name) so just to test the waters i send an aim saying 'hi' this dude....lol he is super excited says 'heeeeyyyy' and ask if my number is the same-- so i say yes, two seconds later my phone rings and its him.

He just talks to me as if nothing ever happened and is having a random ass regular conversation with me. So me being me i go along with it and our convo goes into what we are currently doing yada, yada, yada. So i tell him about my boyfriend and he tells me about his girlfriend and we keep on talking and shit.

So out of nowhere he says " i miss you" so at this point i cant hold it in any longer and i say "where the fuck have u been and why did u do what u did" so he tries to explain hiself but its all bullshit at the end of the day and i dont want to hear it and i try to end our convo and he ask "can we be friends" of course i say no.

That didnt stop him...he has been calling, texting, aimin every since that day. The crazy part is he talks to me like he doesnt have a girl....im mean, flirting like theres no tomorrow!

Thats when i realize this guy is really a slimeball....a really cool person but a regular slimeball at heart....he cheated on his baby momma with me, cheated on me with some next chick, and im certain he has cheated on his current gf. Its like....damn when the fuck will u grow up (he is 29) smh so now i have this crazy ex shit on my hands. Ugh *rolls eyes*

ALRIGHT, lets talk about what u wanna read abouuuuut, punk ass! Lol nahh but yeah, i have a boyfriend now! *drum roll* and he will go by the name of J.D (i know im getting lazy with the names lol) yea, so ive been single for like 8 months and ill be honest the first few months were hell!! I would sit around, eat cake, watch love movies, and complain about how lonely i was.
But i started to realize that the single life wasnt so bad and i actually started to love it! Ive always been in a relationship since i was 16, so being single for so long was brand new to me. So i took the alone time and made it into something positive.

You all know the saying "love will find you when you're not looking for it" THATS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED! When J.D came into the picture i wasnt even going to give him the chance of getting close to me because i was so focused on myself i didnt even see boyfriend material in men. So day after day id talk to J.D and i literally woke up one day and realized how much i liked him but i still questioned it because i had gotten use to being single.

So one thing lead to another and here we are....together! Lol its kind of surreal how it all went down and im not going into detail about it because some things u just wanna keep inbetween u and your partner. :)

Im soooooo happy with J.D i dont know what to do with myself. But its all still really fresh and we are doing really really well!!!!

Hmm, im going to describe him so u can see the type of person he is.......hes really really mean lol (not to me of course) he is the type of person that will tell u how he feels weather it be good or bad and he has a slick little mouth lol basically he's "The Bad Boy" (its really sexy!) He is really really really attractive!, he has a swag, and he is really sweet to me...like all he cares about is making me happy! *love sigh* could a girl ask for anything else? So yea, i had to put a ring on it. Lol So im pretty much loving a gangster with a soft spot for my dorky ass. We are complete opposites and thats the BEST part about it.

A few of my friends dont get it...if u watch the hills JD is my justin-bobby or my spencer. It doesnt make sense to others but it makes perfect sense to us.

So even though im with sombody now, as i said before its not going to stop my Celibacy and the city entrys.

I might change the celibacy part but not yet......lol
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The holidays x Updates

2009-01-02T21:30:00.000-08:00

Dudeeee, my hoildays were awesome! I had alot of fun, it was the perfect ended to 08! I really wanted to take mad pictures....butttttt i was way to shitfaced to even think about my blogspot or pictures.

Spending time with family really made me happy, and as i said before it was the perfect ending to 08.

So, i know you all are sick and tired of people saying shit like "fuck 08...09 is my year" bullshit--im not even going there because 08 was a GREAT year for me. But i will say it time for me to re-focus and get real with myself, yet again. Alot of changes will take place in the months ahead (some changes have already been made and i know inparticular that will shock you)

Okay so lets get into some random updizzles.....

So as a christmas gift to myself i purchased 'Guitar Hero World Tour' im ADDICTED. No, dead ass addicted. I freaking love that game--- the playlist? Ughhh SICK! Mad ppl keep telling me i should have gotten 'Rock Band' but fuck that....i live alone, who's going to be in my band? And GH was on sale for $50 son!

Moving onnnnn, so ive been bedless for a while. When i moved out of my moms crib all i took with me were my clothes shoes, and my tv. So, the first big purchase i made was my couch and ive been sleeping on it since oct. (My freaking back has been killing me) so me and my grandma went and got my a matress, dude im so stoked! It was on sale for $517 (i be catching those sales son) the original price was like $1000 something. Yea so it will be here friday--im ready to break that in. Lmao ha! Overall, my apartment is coming along really nice :)

Ehhh... I have a boyfriend now. (Ill talk more on this later. Yes, this is the change i was saying might shock u)

Ummm, tonight will be my first night back at work and im kind of happy about being back at work....ive been on vacation for a week or so.

Ok, so...thats all i got, kiddo!

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08/09

2008-12-28T09:52:00.000-08:00

Remember last year when i was a proclaimed "hipster"? Well, thats a term you can no longer identify me with.

From this day forward.....you shall address me by one of the four names; Andy, Applebaum, Andreia, or Appleb.

If you happen to see me around do not point me out by saying " theres that cool chick" ,"theres that fucking loser", "theres that artist", "theres that wannabe DJ", "theres that ex model", "theres that chick who dated (insert name) ect.....

Simple say....
"Oh, there's Andy"

Before i get into my reasons why and what i predict for 09, lets review 08. Okay, 08 was over all a good year for me; i made a few lasting friendships, lost a few friends, got my heart broken twice, had an awesome birthday party, got a new apartment, got a new car, went on a few road trips, learned and became aware of ALOT, and fell in love. (I can keep naming things all night)

So as i said my 08 was pretty good....alot of playing though.

So 09 will be my productive year--towards the end of 08 i got into my zone, so going into 09 i plan to carry it out. My foundation has been built; loving family and friends, home, car, and job. Now its time for me to take things to the next level. *smile*

So i doubt you'll be seeing me in the clubs/bars any time soon.

My New Years Resolution: Productivity.
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Mrs. Grinch

2008-12-23T06:24:00.001-08:00

So im sunggled in my covers with some yummy hot coco watching 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas' (the original cartoon)

As im watching this i noticed that im fine....and i say that because after my father died christmas became another day when i realized how much i misssed my father so in turn i never had the hoilday spirit--i think ive perfected the art of putting on a front to family/friends when it comes to appearing happy...i can cover my tears with a smile and a joke quicker than you can say bahumbug!

Nah but id just like to say thannnnkk you to all of my wonderful friends who kept my spirits up this winter; Nickie, Aaron, Turri, Deandra, Avi, Yayger, Frankey, and tons of other people.

Oh, and a specialllll thank you to jonathan! Ill simply say thanks for being here. *kissy*

Quick, short, and to the point....i love you fuckers and i wouldnt trade ya for the world.

(I know my post have been kind of short lately. Sorry! I will be picking up my slack in the days ahead)
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Staight trippin!

2008-12-21T05:12:00.000-08:00

Okayyyy so lol well i know alot of you were waiting on me to address this via blog....i didnt want to but im sick of all the questions and concerns.

So if you frequent my myspace page im more than certain you read my comments with a certain somebody acting a damn fool.

*sigh*

Everybody keeps asking me "what happened?" To be perfectly honest i dont know, matter of fact i have no idea.....after talking about it with the guy who started it all he claims it was a joke *straight face* and i know thats a complete lie, so....i dont know wtf is wrong with dude.

One thing i do know....because of him i was made to look like a fool, i was disrespected, annoyed with his actions, and for less of a better term turned off by it all.

And after the conversation i had with him last night......he feels as tho the other guy was to blame when its oh so clear that he didnt start shit. Smh and he also says, im letting some "next-ex" come inbetween our "friendship".

Friendship? Friends dont get jealous of other people who spend more time with me. If your my friend be happy that ive found somebody...dont talk mad shit to the guy and try to push him away from me.

Ughh im sick of even talking about this because i can go on and on about how wrong this guy is. *rolls eyes*

Celibacy and the city? Yea....dont expect to see any of the names i introduced u to

john, mr. Suave, steve, and pablo.
Yea they are all pretty much gone.

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ASHER FUCKING ROTH

2008-12-19T16:48:00.000-08:00

HOT SHIT!

http://www.myspace.com/asherrothmusic

Celibacy and the city [5*]

2008-12-18T09:44:00.001-08:00

So i know its been a while like i said it would be.....

But its definatly time for an update.

As you know (or maybe you dont) ive in a sense settled down....im still single but ive found a guy that i want to be with but a few things are holding me back.

but as him and i spend more time together all the worries i have fade away day by day.

Sooooo as you know my celibacy in the city joint talked mostly about the men in my life at the time; john, steve, papblo, and Mr. Suave.

Well as of today....

John and i were are always on rocky ground and eventually it ended for good---to the point we arent friends at all.

Pablo was never boyfriend material...i just enjoyed the attention he gave me and looking at him lol (hes so sexy) but hes kind of an airhead.

Steve and i actually got into it really bad today over our situation....and what makes it so bad it ended with him saying "fuck you" if you know me youre well aware i dont take that lightly. After todays convo with Steve, i think its time to put that to an end. nothing will ever come out of our "situation" right now my life is in cleveland and it will be for the next 2 1/2 years. So whatever...it hurts but fuck it.

Annnddd Mr. Suave *sigh* where do i start. This is one man i truly love--its says alot about a person who can stay around you no matter what you may put them through. This past month has been so hard for me because ive had to end a few friendships, go through a heartbreak by a guy who didnt give two fucks about my feelings, and almost losing the guy i might be getting into a relationship with. Mr. Suave stayed right by my side and put aside his feelings to help me cope with mine. Buuuuutttt now that ive found somebody i want to move forward with Mr.Suave doesnt like the fact that he isnt #1 and the lack of attention hes getting. I love this man but the selfish shit has to go! He knows it and hes promised me that hes going to change...so him and i will be friends forever because hes the only man that truly wants to see me happy.

Alot of you enjoy my celibacy and the city blogs and i know what youre thinking "ohhhh shes getting into a relationshipp, no more drammmaaa" lol im not going to stop writing about my love life at all! Even though i know alot of ppl read my blogs for inside info to use against me and they think they are doing something when they run my shit to everybody....

But what you dicks fail to realize IM REAL everything i blog about ive already shared with the men in my life. No secrets here, kiddo.

So fuck you...kiss my ass.

As i said im going to keep doing my celibacy and the city because my love life is fucking crazy and i seem to have a little fan base. Lol

[Celibacy and the city *6: Crazy ex-boyfriends]
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OFF DAYSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-16T17:19:00.002-08:00

Im off mon, tue, and wed. Im finally going to get some fucking down time.....dude, do you know how happy i am?

Well i have another class on wed @ 9am. But its cool because i will not be coming straight from work then to the class.

*big smile*

Taco bell, love movies, sleep, a new book, gossip, internet----ahhh the good life? I wouldnt have it any other way.

Well, i might go out to a bar or better yet ill do dinner with the girls....ill save partying for new years (new york? Hmmmm im thinking about it hardbody)

Ohhhh i finished that book by sister souljah 'MIDNIGHT a gangster love story'

My review? It was iight! I hatttttte the way it ended, because it didnt really end.....a situation happened and he was about to go take care of it and just like that it was over.....no explination on what went down, how he was going to slove the problem....all of the doors were left opened.

And this sister souljah chick is known for taking mad long to come out with a book. Ugh.....dont waste your time buying the book....borrow it from a friend or hit the LB because in my opinion it isnt worth the $26 bucks.

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Liars.

2008-12-16T17:19:00.001-08:00

Yo ive been having this situation on my mind HEAVY. for the past few days ive been feeling like im being lied to.

I think this is the worst feeling you can ever have....my mind has been wondering non-stop. My mom said im on some CSI shit lol

Well anyways....Im not going to put the situation out there because a few "outsiders" have brought this shit to my attention and i cant tell what their motives are ---looking out for me or trying to ruin things for me.

*sigh* but deep down something is telling me shit isnt right and im being lied to hard body.

Dude, let me find out....lol im going to try and break people down left and right. I know it sounds mean but im in a position where my feelings are being put out there--and ive given this person a chance to tell the truth and they held their ground...so if i find out it is a lie and this person never proves that they are telling the truth....ITS A WRAP.

But if it is proven to me that they told the truth from jump....im going to admit my wrong doing.

But i dont think thats going to happen.

Well as of now i cant decide if i want to stick around and see what the outcome is or keep it moving without looking back.

.....I really dont want this shit to get ugly.
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My love affair with a gay man.

2008-12-15T04:07:00.001-08:00

So, last night i had a dream about Andy.......Andy Warhol. As most of you know Andy Warhol is my favorite artist, not only that one of my favorite people period. I simply adore this man.

He was an innovater, life long learner, social networker, and consummant scenster.

As id like to think i am too. Lol

*sigh* if only i could go back to the 70's

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My Baby-G

2008-12-13T22:28:00.001-08:00

I want this....like REALLY BAD.
Hmmmm, it shall be mine by the end of the month.
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I like the smell of rain

2008-12-13T08:25:00.001-08:00

Its raining outside =)

Ughhhh!!! Im in this boring ass class. Im mean, well not really im just quiet and i hate when old people try to force a conversation out of me. Hi and bye is all u suckas need lol

When i go home....dude! Im going straight to sleep....i said id return phone calls today and catch up on gossip.

sorry about the lack of communication,homies.... Work/ preparing for school/ and jonathan has been taking up all of my tiz-ime. Lol

This class is so damn stupid......
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Dirty little birdy pushed the buttons and flew away.

2008-12-12T22:36:00.001-08:00

Well im not mad anymore-- i actually got over it that same day. But i must admit its pretty lame when i stop and realize the art/graphic desing portfolio ive been working on for the past 3yrs has been deleted forever at the hands of my non-thinking mother.

Have i learned from my mistake? Yes!

Whatever.

So, Between yesterday and today ive been extremely busy i got tons of things done today that i should have done months ago. *sigh* it feels so good to be semi-responsiable =)

Tomorrow will be another busy day, im at work now (12am) and i dont get off till (2pm) =( i have a stupid ass CPR/ First aid class in the morning, i have to take it so i can get my raise. BLAH! (I will be blogging and myspacing mad hard to relieve some of the boredum)

I also plan on going christmas shopping tomorrow. Ugh! I usually online it up but i need some cardio in my life.....i hope the lines arent long.

Okay buddies conan is off its time for me to get some rest.....ill blog it up tomorrow, bews.

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Mad as fuck

2008-12-10T05:53:00.001-08:00

My fucking mom just called me and told me that shes getting EVERYTHING removed from the computer.

Meaning:

Photoshop
My artwork
Photography
Letters
Papers
Pictures
MUSIC

Everything and i mean everything that i value is on that computer.

Mad is an understatement.
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Good ole Santogold.

2008-12-10T05:45:00.001-08:00

Who do i love more than Trouble Andrew? His girlfriend Santogold!

I loveeeeee her album! Check it out because i said so. :)
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2008-12-10T05:30:00.001-08:00

Im worried about women this day in age. Hmmmm, im not all together by any means but it has come to my attention that chicks are FUCKED UP.

Tonight i had a guy say to me something along the lines of "oh, i didnt talk to you then because i didnt want to but now i do....so take that or tell me you never want me to call u again"

I straight up told his ass to never dail my number again.

After i hung up the phone i started thinking to myself -- damn he was dead ass serious and he had no problem saying that bullshit. He was mad calm like he was saying some regular everyday shit like "how are u today?" Then im thinking what type of insecure chicks does/did he fuck with that had him thinking what he said was normal? Like my reaction shouldnt have been "what the fuck?"

Either he thinks hes gods gift to women or bitches really got him gassed up.

But nahhh lemme think for a second. ..........

Its not his fault....its definatly these females fault...like yall really allow shit like that to rock. I have mad male friends and they pretty much tell me stories like this on a daily.

Like, yayger for instance (my whiteboy ike as i like to call him) well just the other day he sent me a convo he had with some chick over aim (he knows i have a sick sense of humor and i laugh at people who are stupid). The convo was him dropping bitch bombs and calling her every name under the sun pretty much and her asking why is he being mean to her and later on down the line she asked him what time should she pick him up from work.

Lmao....

Im saying!!!??? What kind of backbone does she haveee???? I love yayger but his ass would have been at work with no way home!

People say im prideful and ill be the first to admit i have a ego...but at the end of the day ill never be somebodies fool and thats for damn sure.

Ladies (plz excuse my vulgar mouth) grab ur pussy and stop lettin men walk all over you! No guy should have the power of lowering you to nothing.

Pfft! I need to be the head of the she woman man haters club or something. Lol jp i love boys boys boysssss when they act right.....i hope something changes within u females (maybe beyonces new album will help out) because im sick of losing good guys because u stupid chicks has them thinking they are all mighty king ding a ling.

On another note i talked to my buddy dre-ski tonight...hes a pretty cool cat lol it so relaxing having a real conversation with a fellow artist who looks upon art the same way i do (we keep secrets and shit) lol annnnnddd we are gonna go to kirpalu* together but diffrent ones because if we end up at the same one we jusssst might get kicked out the same day....cracking mad jokes and shit lol.

You on ponit tip?
Yo all the time phife !
You on point tip?
Pfft all the time phife!

Lol bet cha dont know that sonnnnggg.
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Squeeze precisely!

2008-12-09T02:55:00.001-08:00

This blog has no real point behind it....I just feel like rambling I guess.

So I've been working a lot of overtime at work. Its really starting to fuck with me....I'm not getting enough sleep (I work 3rd shift) which in turn makes me snappy and easily annoyed....but I gotta get this money--so oh well.
I'm starting to question if a relationship is something I really want....for the past few days he's been dealing with his ex's and shit.....and to be honest--im really NOT trying to deal with it. I'm so sick of bitches having their eyes on something I have/want. *sigh* wouldn't it be great if you met somebody with NO baggage? Ahhh, must be nice. Next person I talk to is going to be ugly as shit lol I'm always going to the eyecandy. Lol!!!!

Do you ever get the feeling your being lied to? I've been getting that feeling more than usual lately....no bueno! =(

Anyway, for the past week or so I've been wearing my hair straight, I really forgot how much of a headache this shit is but I'm gonna keep my promise to myself. (Trying change my look up a bit) you men have no idea how hard it is to be "cute" us girls go through ohhhh soooo muchhhhh. Lol

I've been reading this book 'MIDNIGHT a gangster love story' and I'm actually enjoying it. Werid? Yeah, I know. Its not lame like I thought I would be I guess all the hype is correct about Sister Souljah. Ehhh, who knew?

Go download Danny Browns album Hot Soup. I've been listening to it like crazy for the past week....I think u can download it from his myspace page for free if I'm not mistaken...idk his myspace url either lol so google it!

Ok, I'm on the phone...so bye bye!

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Prideful?

2008-12-08T22:06:00.001-08:00

Apparently, a few people think I'm "prideful".

*str8 face*

I don't know if I fully agree with that statement, no surprise right? Lol no but bottom line....

I feel as though I have no reason to say "sorry" if I'm not....sorry! I don't know about you but my mom taught me "don't apologize if you don't mean it"

You're not getting a "I'm sorry" out of me if I'm not sorry.

Mean? Maybe....real? Yes!

Wait I will say this.....*ahemmm* if in the time I've known you (speaking to all of you) and I've done or said something that HURT you.....I'm sorry that my actions brung hurt upon you. My intentions are never to hurt you but it seems the truth can be painful here and there....idk its life I guess. *pats u on the back*

Lol.....I'm serious but I can't stop smiling. I think I'm smiling bacause I can just hear jonathen talking shit....lol (he's the one that called me prideful)

Blahhhhh bbl with some updizzles!

Oh WELCOME BACK Nickie Billions!!!!! Lol.
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Sister Souljah

2008-12-07T21:33:00.001-08:00

Ehhh, not my usual kind of book...but a friend at work urged me to read it.

'MIDNIGHT a gangster love story'

Ehh....we'll see....ill let u know what I think halfway through.
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Don't get beast for the hype, son.

2008-12-07T14:27:00.001-08:00

Okay so while roaming blogspizzle...I bumped into a blog that I like to read from time to time. And the subject of "sneaker heads" came up.

I must admit I'm especially sick of this fad and the people who claim to live a lifestyle just because its the new "it" thing. When I say lifestyle what I mean is people who have been into sneakerks hard body since they were kids and the people who pretend to be that way that just blue a whole months income on sneakers and have claimed to been collecting since they were younger.

So the guy was going on saying how he's sick of it and then he
says this "right now you will see a girl with jordans who has never seen mike play and doesn't even know where he's coming from"

Okay, so, this is where I raise my eyebrow.

So after he says that he goes on to say how he doesn't identify himself with anything he's just always loved sneakers... And then he said you should wear what you like, blah....blah...blah!

So at this point I'm thinking to myself okay this guy has lost himself in this hype aswell.

Okay as I said above it is very annoying to see people pretending to live a LIFESTYLE that isn't true to them and they are simply doing it to appear "deep" I'm guessing? And I totally understand why people who've actually been living that "hypebeast" life since they copped their first pair of jordans on christmas when they were 5 and have been sticking with sneakers every since then are mad by all of this craze.

BUT! Bottom line niggas can't assume every person who walks by with a pair of jordans on are pretending to be a "hypebeast"..."Sneaker head" or whatever. And as far as him saying "you will see a girl with a pair of jordans on and she's never seen him play yada yada yada" come on mannnnn.......I mean I shouldn't have to go into detail as to why that statement is pure and utter stupidity.

The crazy part is, right after that he goes on to say "just wear what u like" okay, let's say for instance this girl didn't know who jordan was but she still copped the sneakers.......fuck, what if she just liked them? What if she had a shirt that went with them perfect? Now all of sudden she's a "poser"?

Fuck outta here.....

I study fashion, its what I go to school for. So let me just say this...there is a MAJOR differance between following fashion and being a poser. I don't knock a person who follows fashion AT ALL and neither can you self-proclaimed "hypebeast" because you doing it everytime you go shopping. Yall getting mad hype over regular ass people who wear a nice pair of sneakers from time to time and me being one of those regulars I'd like to say on behalf of us regular people....

*ahem*

Shut the fuck up and stop beastin over the hype!!!!!!

I'm 5'10 without shoes....sometimes I don't want to be 6'1 with my heels on....maybe I want to just kick back with a nice pair of supra's on or even some sb's.....but since I do that I'm a poser!?!?!?

Ugh! I think the only sain people left are us regulars....the rest of you posers and hypebeast alike are lost in the maddness.

Smh.....now get mad and all butt hurt because I pulled ur card.
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The Unconscious mind.

2008-12-06T04:29:00.001-08:00

Its 6:53a.m I'm at work and I've just finished reading 'The power of now' by Eckhart Tolle. Reading this book has changed my preception of time immensly. My questions on time didn't arise while reading this book...but very much before. Carpe Diem seems like the only sain way to live but its sooooo hard to grasp.

(Carpe Diem means seize the day in latin, for those who don't know)

Well being that its such a hard way of living -- but in my mind the only real way to live...I got it tattoed on my wrist about a year ago to remind me how I want to live...you know the old saying "out of sight out of mind" well I thought to myself if I see it everyday throughout the day it will become almost second nature for me to live that way.

Has it worked? To an extent....oddly enough I don't pay my wrist much attention. Lol no but seriously....in the past few months I've become blind sighted on my beliefs and immersed myself in my unconscious mind.

What's the unconscious mind?
The unconscious mind is living through it as a means of identification..... Basically the unconscious mind is that which creates concepts, labels, images, words, and judgements that blocks everything that is true...like love, beauty, creativity, joy, and so on.

When you're in this state of mind--your mind is pretty much using you because you are unconsciously identifed with it...you're victim to your own mind.

So tonight after finishing this book and going over my life-situation...I then realized the only way I can deactivate this way of thinking is by first realizing the realm of intelligence outside of my own mind but instead understand with my being. (If that makes sense) and secondly watching vs reacting (that's another topic for a later date) ehh, this is all very simple its just a matter of becoming conscious of what you already know.

Yea...I shall talk about this more later. My work shift is coming to its end I'm ready to run the fuck up outta here.
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Brainwashed

2008-12-05T22:03:00.000-08:00

my intentions are not to offend anybody and going into this I want you to know that this blog is a form of me expressing my opinion.

So everyday when I get off work...I go home and turn to the steve wilkos show, it comes on at 10a.m and most of the time I'm in around 9:45a.m and the 400 club is going off.

Okay, so if u don't know I'm spiritual and NOT religious....whatever whatever. So for the past few weeks this has been my routine and I have no problem sitting there watching the old people who host the show sit and talk about things that are in the bible and answer emails....no biggie.

But today...I got pissed. So during the show a lady writes in asking "I have a college professor who is a preist and he says that every religious faith leads to god. I don't agree, is that statement true" so at that point I'm all into it because I want to see wtf this nut job is going to respond with because the look he has on his face is total disgust.

So this nigga says "NO! How can that be true!? The (can't remember the exact religion) have over 2,500 gods. So how can they be on the path to the real god? (He laughs) ALL
RELIGIONS DONT LEAD TO GOD"

Sooooo at that point I'm pretty much pissed. This man happens to be of the christian faith and I know all christians don't think that way...but I'm looking at it like this, they have given this man a show and its been on for some years so people must think that same way.

They really have you people brain washed with all the riff raff they are feeding you. I'm not religious by any means but I'd never knock the way somebody else pratices their religion...its fucking bullshit. NOBODY has the right answer. Most of you are following a religion because you mom does or your favorite celebrity does.....you people fail to educate yourselves and you run with the hype.

You people go off of what is politically correct and not what your own heart says is correct. And its fucked up that they have this fuckin nut on national t.v basically saying if you're not a christian you've got it all wrong and ur not on the right path to god.

It saddens me and it makes me want to write a fucking angry note to the producers of the show.

Ugh!! Ill write more on this later.
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Busy Busy Busy

2008-12-04T21:41:00.000-08:00

Okay enough with all the 'drama' let's talk about some real shit. So next month school starts and I still have to go meet with my advisor to turn in a few papers and pay my fee's and shit.

While I was preparing all of the things that needed to be turned in, I realized this is REALLY about to happen. Its been a while since I've been in school I'm sooooooo excited, I feel like a 5 year old lol.

So next week I doubt ill be updating this blog, I wait till the last minute to do shit and next week is pretty much the last minute.

(Gosh I wish I had my laptop, this would all be so much easier)

On another note....I've been using my blackberry to update my blog and I definatly see that a sidekick and a blackberry are two diffrent worlds! I like them both, but I sidekick shits on a berry when it comes to the messengers....granted the berry has the built in messenger for blackberry owners but I only know like 3 people with a berry...sooooo whatever. And then again the browser on this thing kills the sidekick and with me not having my P.C its an awesome thing...and I really have to get use to this keypad so excuse my typo's!!!!! Ehh I think ill keep them both....but as weird as this might sound I feel lame having 3 phones (yea there's another one) but whatever it is what it is.

Ill update later tonight!
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Fuckery.

2008-12-04T05:29:00.000-08:00

My night took so many diffrent turns it ended up being a VERY emotional night and not good emotional.

The blog that I wrote seemed to have attract a lot of negative attention and it sparked a few people as well. A friend told me that I should put a end to celibacy and the city and all other blogs talking about the men in my life, I actually thought about it all last night and I've decided that I'm not going to erase anything or discontinue to write about my "love" life.

Bottom line is...I'm REAL and I have nothing to hide. A lot of the people I talk about in my blog know exactly where I stand and how I operate.....it seems to be that as much as people say they respect people who are real its all really a front because when faced with what's real they can't take it.

My night was filled with a lot of crying and second guessing myself....I'm ashamed to even say that because I've been true to myself throughout all of this. My feelings will remain the same as well as my thought process. I'm human and mistakes will be made...but you can't front on me because I told you what was up from DAY ONE.

This is not being mean, stuck up, or selfish....this is being honest. If you can't handle the content of my blogs....the answer is simple DONT READ THEM.

Also, to the men featured in my blog...I know that a few of you read my blog and that's not going to stop me from writing what I want.

Smh...I can't believe some of you.
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The M gang son!

2008-12-03T21:59:00.000-08:00

So I'm apart of a gang....yes...its true. I always tell you people I'm a gangster but none of you thought it was true. Well about 2yrs ago I joined the M gang and for the past year I've been in it by myself when me and the leader had a falling out but he's back so I'm not alone anymore... His name is MATTY! A lot of you don't know this but matty pretty much named me andy....but now he calls me mandy because in the gangster ass M gang you name has to begin with a M. Lol

Matty and I are pretty cool...aren't we? Yea son...I know.

*for u dick faces this blog is pure sarcasim*
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

He's my hunny! :)

2008-12-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, sooooo I know this is something that Ive never done! Ill put my
love life business out there but only to an extent...I ALWAYS use fake
names just to keep things under wraps a little bit.

But I want to talk about the guy above a bit. I also want people to know
who I'm talking about because I feel as though people need to know and
apparently a few people are on that "ohhhh applebaum has him so let me
see if I can get him" bullshit.

Smh...

Well back to what I was saying. This guy has really been a change of
pace for me... and I say that because ill admit I'm not use to feeling
"special". Now don't get me wrong, I've had the men in my life do nice
things for me but at the end of the day its more or less a "aww how nice
of him". With jay its totally diffrent...you know how you get that
feeling when you say or do something for someone and they are so
appreciative you can feel it without them even saying it? Or u can just
feel love without it even being said?....that's the feeling I get from
him.

He understands that I'm not the "typical" chick and like I told him
anybody who can put up with my shit...pfft! Definatly needs to be close
to my heart. I feel as though I've found a really strong friendship or
whatever it is that we have within him...he isn't expecting anything
from me but the love I show him on a daily basis.... and apparently that
keeps him happy, who knew? Lol its so weird to know that you are the
reason why someone smiles and you're the reason why they are happy, when
you're not doing anything other than being yourself.

Just recently jay and I have been putting our friendship out there and
our friendship isn't platonic by any means....we talk to each other as
if we are in a relationship and I've noticed that it has a lot of people
uncomfortable...and all I can say is...well really there is nothing I
can say because being single, I owe no one an explination. We also
noticed a lot of his past women are trying to get back in the picture
and again....there is nothing I can say.

Oh...wait! I will say this...don't hurt yourself ladies.

Jay *love sigh* lol its crazy but we have been through a lot within this
past month and I can't believe u are still here dealing with me and my
bullshit...I'm really happy to have ur love at this point in my life
when I'm finding out the people that I've been holding close to my
heart are the people who don't deserve to be there. You've expressed to
me that I've helped you regain happiness in your life and I'm
sooooooooooo flattered that you found all of that within me. You make me
believe that REAL love is very much possible! You never judge me, you
never question me or my motives, you allow me to be myself, you never
pay outside bullshit much attention, and you always show me love even
when I don't deserve it.

Sometimes when I'm around you I feel complete in a sense or better yet
<i>whole<i>...the feeling becomes so intense that the rest of the world
fades into insignificance...no matter what comes of our friendship I
want you to know and understand that I truly appreciate you!! from the
random calls just to say "andy I miss you" or to the sneaking around
calling my loved ones trying to figure out the best christmas gift to
get me. =] I wouldn't trade u for the world and I wouldn't want things
any other way than what they are now (well maybe we can change a fewwww
things lol)

You are loved and appreciated!!!!!!!!
See you in Africa (inny)

Love,
Andreia!

P.S. Ashton says "I love u too" lol
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Fw: KanYe West x self-motivation.

2008-12-03T19:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, so yea, I know I'm late! But that's not going to stop me from
expressing how much I LOVE this album....to me its kanYe's best work. I
know a lot of you might disagree buttttt whatever. My favorite song is
number 8 'Street Lights'....that song is verrrryyyy relatable..... I'm
my case anyway. Their isn't one song on this album that I dislike which
is rare for me...and to be honest I'm not a very big kanYe fan to begin
with....ehh, but that has changed.

Motivation--

So growing up I was, for less of a better term 'spoiled'. I never had to
do much of anything in my junior high school years...I didn't have to do
anything until I was about 16 and then it was only washing the dishes
and keeping my room cleaned (never did clean my room) so from 16 until
21 that was my life. My moms biggest concerns were for me were to
graduate from high school, obtain a good job, and not to get pregnant.
My family never stressed the importance of college or being on my
own....I never even had to catch the bus!!!

Back then I thought I had it good...but now it has really FUCKED MY ASS
UP. The transition from young adult to adult has been hard as hell for
me...ugh! But its getting wayyy better with time.

So with all of that I've had to push myself in the right directions and
learn from my dumb ass friends mistakes. I have a older brother and
sister but they aren't in my life....so being the oldest I've had no one
to look to for answers. Self-motivation is so HARD! And sometimes I feel
myself falling behind but with the help of my loving fabulous friends my
slump doesn't last long..... But I hate when it even comes along.

I think that's why I like 'street lights' so much.

"See I know I my destination but I'm just not there."

Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

This is also

2008-12-03T18:32:00.000-08:00

A test
Applebaum--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

.

NO LONGER HERE

Its been a minuteeeeee!

Fuckery

Closer and closer.

To blog or not to blog?

Lost.

MAD JAMMIN!

I MISS STEF LIKE CRAZZZY!

SNEAK PEEK!

Summer Summer timmeee!

OH, WORD?

Mos Def > The Ecstatic

Loving my Life.

Hello dolls!

Jesus holla back!

Reason # 326855 of why i love my homies

Mornin'

Your feelings vs Mine

Single gal.

Ok well

"burn in hell, girl"

Back on my blogging ish!

Its been a minute.

Celibacy and the city [last entry]

Yo yo son

Celibacy and the city [10]

A surge of energy.

Celibacy and the city [9]

Closing one door.

REPOST: "Its a fucking balance, duh!

Fucking wack.

DOOM X HIPHOPDX

ehhhh.

Forgive and forget

FUCKING KILLED IT

Scott Mescudi.

*yawn

Where Brooklyn at?

yo yo yoooo

uhhhhh.....

Slow motion.

ROB ROY. "FUR IN MY CAP"

Think.....green?

Aw crap shooter!

Applebaum is back!

Hello again.

My thighs are killing me.

Poor Rihanna.

Crash&Burn!

IM BACK!!!!!!

*sigh

FUCK!

Fucking SNOW!

My type?

Updates

Weekend; not so good.

Lost money!?

OMG.

Tired!!!!

Fuck this!

Bored.

Celibacy and the city [*7]

Ehhhh

.....And here we go again.

Offensive?

Some people have real problems.

*Disclaimer*

Its a fucking balance, duh!

Always running for the thrill of it.

Entertain me!

Last week of freedom!

Celibacy and the city [*6]

The holidays x Updates

08/09

Mrs. Grinch

Staight trippin!

ASHER FUCKING ROTH

Celibacy and the city [5*]

OFF DAYSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

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